Find happiness in enjoying your humanness instead of fixing yourself
By NANCY NZALAMBI | 2 months ago
Living in pandemic times has come with lots of uncertainty. Just when we thought 2020 hit us hard, 2021 has Kenya experiencing the third and most serious wave yet of this dreaded disease.
We thought of so much potential for this year but it also comes with so many unknowns.
There is anxiety and now that the disease is spreading fast once again, so many things could go wrong.
Many of us are still working from home, but the uncertainties make us feel quite out of control of our own stuff. Businesses that did well at night have had to make do with curfew hours in place.
Even if we go back to the 24 hour economy for all industries, we are still not safe as vaccinations will not reach every other Kenyan soon.
When you are not in charge of your own stuff
If this pandemic has taught us anything is that we have little control over life matters. We may feel quite under pressure to make things work, but in actual sense, we have no control.
It becomes a tiresome task to change ourselves and instead, we have to adapt.
Even with disease prevention restrictions, life does go on. You cannot postpone your happiness until when the pandemic is over. You have to enjoy the present.
Excuses we made to fix ourselves
If things aren’t as smooth as you would like, it may not be your fault entirely. Pre-pandemic times would have some of us going for trips to “find ourselves.” Come to think of it, did you at some point lose yourself?
If you need a holiday, just go and have some fun and rejuvenate. There is nothing wrong with you for being imperfect. No one will ever be perfect. You just have to live the best honest life you possibly can.
I’m in no way advocating for you to ditch self-improvement efforts. Go ahead and upgrade, but do not beat yourself up for it.
Do not allow your inner critic to convince you that there is something wrong with you that needs fixing; or you lost yourself and you need to be found. When you slip and fall, it is part of life. Nothing guarantees immunity from natural phenomena.
Gravity respects no one. You can choose to sit down and laugh at this humanness then get up and forge ahead. There is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you suffered an unforeseen misfortune at some point. If you had no control over it, do not feel like a total failure for it.
Ditch the unrealistic goals
If you feel flawed or inadequate from the beginning, no amount of self-improvement can make enough antidote to cure you or make you feel whole. Learning never stops.
Going for that one more degree will add more knowledge but it won’t make you feel complete. There is always something more you can learn.
Will you spend your life judging yourself based on what you lack? This is a recipe for miserable life and crappy emotions. One way to maintain sustainable improvement is to build on something you have already begun.
Although we are used to showing discipline and grit in what we do, sometimes the body takes a beating and we find ourselves at a point where we cannot fix or change the present situation.
Appreciate what you have
“At the end of the day, what is most important is how we answer the question: Were we kind to one another? And, equally important, were we kind to ourselves?” Shannon Crane. Our focus, perspectives and feelings govern the quality of life we live. Look around and count your blessings.
Even if some things are not doing economically right, there are aspects you definitely feel blessed to have. Develop high level of self-acceptance such that you stay open to exploring, learning, and failing and not giving up.
Being radically compassionate with yourself allows you to forgive yourself when you mess up. Being kind to yourself should not feel like a luxury.
Kindness to self does not allow failure to drive you over the edge of judgment and self-pity. Life coach Charlotte Lieberman advises, “Babies don’t set the goal of learning to walk, they just do it.
They change, they grow- just as you inevitably will this year, and every year, goals or not. Reward yourself by simply noticing these changes and areas of growth.”
Are you a fixer?
Being a fixer gives a sense of purpose. Sometimes, people keep you around because you seem to have dedicated yourself to fixing their problems.
That illusion of being “needed” drives you to want to prevent other people from feeling any sort of discomfort. In the long run, a fixer may suffer mental, emotional and physical exhaustion.
You probably helped a few people along the way but the reality remains that people will inevitably go through hurdles every now and then.
You cannot keep up with everyone’s life challenges, a fixer has no holiday and your fixer effort may even end up not fixing anything.
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