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My long distance relationship is struggling

 My long distance relationship is struggling (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I’m currently in a long-distance relationship because my husband’s working abroad. And we’re struggling! How can we get things to work better?


Chris says,

Hi Apart!

Communication is so easy nowadays that long-distance relationships can seem almost normal. But they frequently get into difficulties, especially when it’s hard to keep in touch, like across time zones. And exchanging news isn’t the same as feeling involved in your partner’s day.

Trust also often becomes an issue, because there’s really no way of knowing whether you’re both being faithful. Just like when you’re living together! But remaining faithful’s mostly about the overall quality and intimacy of your relationship, so don’t give each other the third degree every time one of you doesn’t reply right away.

Because long-distance relationships can be just as emotionally intimate, trusting and committed as stay-at-home couples.

So stay optimistic, and keep close by constantly updating each other on what you’re doing. Always try to be cheerful when communicating with each other, and recognise that it’s easy to feel misunderstood on-line.

So never measure the success of the relationship by your last conversation. All couples have their ups and downs.

Set a special ring tone just for each other. Tell each other everything. Share an online calendar to keep track of visits, birthdays, and days you’re unavailable. Do things together besides the usual phone calls, like reading the same book or watching the same movie.

Visit every chance you can, if that’s possible. And remember that you have to be there for one another. If one of you is ever in trouble, the other must be there. So make sure you can always reach each other, and be prepared to go to help if needs be.

Have an end point to work towards, because long-distance relationships that don’t generally fail. You may not even notice that you’re slowly drifting apart as your interests, values and friends change, until something small blows up and knocks everything off track.

Sometimes you’ll feel overwhelmed by being apart, but love is always worthwhile.

All the best,


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