Power in embracing

By John Muturi

Everyone, babies included, love to be touched. A crying baby, for instance, will immediately stop when he or she is picked up and held closely and resume the shrieking immediately he or she is placed down. There is conclusive evidence that a loving touch will go beyond just stopping your baby from crying.

It forms the genesis of his or her future happiness and success. Some scientists have proved that the touch may transmit the spark of life!

Psychologists maintain that children who feel valued, loved and secure are more confident and ready to learn. In deed, learning difficulties and emotional problems can often be traced back to an incomplete parental relationship and a lack of loving physical contact. It has been proven that unhappy children tend to perform poorly in school.

A parent’s first communication with her baby is through touch — it expresses love and concern. Touch is indeed a very strong non-verbal communication tool and a hug speaks volumes.

Childcare expert and author Penelope Reach maintains that a touch that is kind, gentle and loving communicates a very strong message to a child of any age that he or she is lovable and valuable; it gives them confidence and a feeling of self-worth long before language can be used, thereby boosting a child’s self-image. Remember self-image is important in every aspect of a child’s development.

Next time your child is engaged in a difficult or important task, touch or place your hand on his or her shoulder and watch the effect — it is a very reassuring and non-interfering gesture of expressing encouragement, approval and interest in what the child is doing.

Researchers in Europe made a startling discovery about homeless children or those orphaned by the Second World War, who were institutionalised and consequently did not get a caring touch or cuddle. The infants failed to thrive; some even died in spite of being well fed because they did not get love. And those who pulled through showed impaired physical and mental development.

Doctors, however, discovered that just a few minutes a day of talking, maintaining eye contact and stroking helped these babies grow and mature at the same rate as those babies raised at home. Accordingly, lack of human contact for these neglected babies seemed to send a message that, "nobody loves you," and "there is no one here (in the institutions) to care for you. This demonstrates that physical contact is often a more effective communication tool than words.

Physical contact is vital

Furthermore, the all-important emotional bond between a child and parent is to a great extent dependent on their physical contact. Psychologists maintain that when a mother cuddles or holds her baby, she has a deeper involvement with the baby and easily perceives changing moods. She can easily perceive and respond to the baby’s needs. For instance, she can tell when the baby is in distress.

The willingness of a mother to touch and hold her baby is a strong indicator of how secure the attachment is between her and her child. Psychologists say that mothers who have an insecure attachment to their baby are generally overwhelmed by feelings of impatience and irritation towards their infants. Such mothers also resent their babies and avoid close body contact, resisting the infants’ attempts to snuggle into their arms and onto their lap.

Children of all ages benefit a lot from this magic touch because they need a parent’s love and affection as much as babies do. Of course some older children may feel uncomfortable doing it in public.

But you can give them a your reassuring touch and hug which can be handed out in the privacy of home. It is not too much to ask for a pat on the back of your child as you pick him or her from school. Fathers particularly easily miss out on playing with and the magic touch on their children leaving it all to their wives. This is sad because older children, for instance, eight-year-olds cherish a reassuring hug from dad.

When he or she is ‘untouchable’ some children do not like being touched and it would be wrong to force yourself onto them. Often when you pick up such a baby, he or she wriggles or fights until you put them down.

How much is pleasurable?

They cannot withstand cuddling or being held. According to researchers, infants differ on the amount of physical contact they enjoy. Some love to be held and cuddled; others consent to be held but only when sick or tired and only for a short time. There is a last group of infants who actively protest, avoid and resist close and direct contact.

They like to be touched, stroked, even kissed, so long as they are not picked up and held close. If your baby is in this group, there is no need to worry, just make sure you stroke his or her arms, kiss his or her fingers or tickle him or her. Comfort the baby by playing or just walking with him or her around showing them interesting things. The mere presence of their mother or father around them has a calming effect on these babies.

They need careful handling. They have shown to be keen on being wrapped, changed or even dressed in restrictive clothing. When given sensitive care, these babies form secure attachments. They may resist close contact but they still seek out their mother when frightened and are reassured by her touch.

So remember when you touch or hug your baby, you are ensuring his or her survival and preparing him or her to face the challenges of life.