Male domestic abuse on the rise

It is often assumed that victims of domestic violence are women and that it's taboo for a man with hair on his chest to confess that he has been abused...by a woman. Women are thought to be the weaker sex, after all.

But recently, a remarkable number of men have come out claiming that they've been victims of domestic violence. They are now suffering physical, mental and sexual abuse in both heterosexual and gay relationships.

A study by Maendeleo ya Wanaume (MAWE) indicated that the abuse included mutilation of male genitalia , if not chopping them off all together after a domestic dispute. Men stick with their abusive wives mainly because of love, fear of embarrassment, cultural norms, marital commitment, spousal threats, financial distress, age, and children's welfare. Threats of suicide and religion were also identified as reasons men kaa ngumu in impossible marriages.

She was beating me up while screaming

James Njenga, a farmer from Kiambu County, told a local TV station how he suffered in the hands of his abusive wife. His experience with spousal abuse led the formation of an advocacy group, Sauti Ya Wanaume na Watoto.

Njenga's wife would beat him and scream as if she was the one at the receiving end and "there is a day she screamed and a police officer came to our house and arrested me for abusing my wife! She then got hold of a cooking stick and hit me several times as she escorted me to the police post. She pinched my right ear with the car keys and for a long time, my ear had injuries."

Njenga claims that due to stigma, it took a lot of courage before he reported the matter to cops.

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"When a man goes to the police station and reports that he has been abused by his wife, the officers laugh and make fun of you."

Njenga claims that their problems started when "my wife collaborated with the area assistant chief and faked my death certificate and went ahead to sell my house. When they sold the house, I received a letter which notified me to vacate the house within 21 days."

He says that is when his wife started abusing him. It started with a few slaps before escalating into blows and kicks. Njenga contemplated suicide after his wife abandoned their four children, with the youngest aged nine.

"I had to carry my children whenever I went to do menial jobs. It was exhausting since they are young children."

Njenga later found out he was not the only one suffering from violence.

"I found out that my friend died because of being abused by his wife."

Pushed to the wall, Njenga founded the a community-based Sauti Ya Wanaume na Watoto.

"We are not here to advocate for drunkards, but for responsible men who are being abused."

Then there is the case of the man who was attacked by his wife with a machete after he 'inherited' a village widow.

Elias Otieno, a boda boda operator and father of four from Katang'a village in Kasipul sub-county in Homa Bay County, was hacked by his wife over claims of infidelity, but villagers told The Nairobian that his crime was cohabiting with a widow.

I found myself in bandages

Otieno was treated at Sunrise Medicare in Oyugis town and discharged, but still goes for routine dressings. His wife, Mary Akoth, spent a night at Nyang'iela Sub County Hospital after villagers descended on her following her husband's distress calls during the attack.

"I returned from my routine job as usual unaware of her evil plan. Before I could even react, she had attacked and knocked me out. I came to my senses and found myself in bandages," Otieno recalled.

The brutal attack,Otieno explained, was as a result of a quarrel started by the wife over the use of his cellphone. But villagers told The Nairobian that the couple has been having problems since Otieno started seeing the widow.

The matter was not reported to authorities as the family struggles with school fees. "Because of scarce resources, I want to make peace with my wife. So, when things cool down, we'll sit down as a family and find a truce to our long-standing feud," said Otieno.