Are my husband's "bad habits" hiding a deeper issue?

Hi Chris,

My husband is developing some typically male bad habits that are really upsetting me. Like staying out late and going quiet on me.

What should I do about them?

Husband’s Bad Habits

Hi Husband’s Bad Habits!

It’s true, married men can develop some very annoying bad behaviours.

Like leaving their wives on their own, working and drinking late, or disappearing for hours at weekends.

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So you should firmly tell him that he’s started down a slippery slope, and to take responsibility for his behaviour. He’s choosing to go drinking or to work late, so only he can set things right.

Because you naturally want to feel close to him. So if he’s determined to keep his independence, then you won’t be married much longer.

Maybe your husband’s confusing sex with intimacy? So put him right! Ask him to start every morning with a kiss. And to tell you that he loves you. And that you’re beautiful and special. And above all, ask him to set aside time to talk to you! Tell him you want to hear about his day, his hopes and fears and his dreams. Tell him that you need him to listen to you when you’re worried. And you need him to tell you about whatever’s worrying him.

The problem is that men compartmentalise their problems and then go quiet about them. While women prefer to talk through their issues. Which means that you worry if you know that he’s stressed about something but isn’t discussing it with you. You’re probably also overthinking everything and imagining that somehow you’re the problem.

So explain to your husband that women like to talk things out. That you want him to trust you. That you want him to open up. Explain to him that you love him and are on his side. And that you feel loved when he discusses his troubles. Explain that you want him to talk to you about what’s going on in his life. To share his feelings with you, and his time.

And then your marriage will last forever.

All the best,

Chris