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Home / Relationships

Confessions: 'We’re great together but the sex is rubbish, he has no moves and can't satisfy me'

 He is funny, loving, caring, smart and handsome but the sex is rubbish (Image: Shutterstock)

Dear Coleen,

I’m a divorced woman in my late 40s and got together with my current partner, who’s 52, a couple of years ago.

We met through a friend and I couldn’t believe my luck because we gelled instantly, he’s funny, loving, caring, smart and handsome.

But and it’s a big but the sex is rubbish.

I still can’t really work out why it doesn’t work. I’m more sexually experienced in that I’ve had more partners, while he’s only had two sexual partners, one being his ex-wife, who he was with for 20 years.

He doesn’t have any moves in bed and doesn’t seem to know how to satisfy me, so sex always ends up in an anti-climax ( for me at least) and also quite awkward afterwards. It’s obvious he knows it’s not great either.

I can’t bear the thought that we’re rubbish together in bed because everything else about our relationship works so well.

I’ve never had this issue before with my ex-hubby or previous boyfriends.

Can you help?

Coleen says,

First off, he’s not a mind reader, so if he’s not satisfying you, then tell him what you do like.

Yes, it’s a bit awkward to talk about sex, but I think at your age you should be able to have a conversation about what turns you on and what turns you off.

At the moment, he’s trying to guess, and is not guessing right. You need to bridge that communication gap.

Talking about what you like during sex can be very sexy.

As for your partner’s sexual history, it might not be inexperience, but perhaps his ex liked certain things and that’s what’s in his repertoire, and he thinks you’ll like it too.

Plus, if he’s been with the same woman for a long time, maybe it’s a confidence issue and nerves come into play.

If the relationship works in every other way, it’d be a real shame if you gave up before talking about it and trying new things in bed.

But if the sexual chemistry just isn’t there, then you have to decide if the relationship is enough for you.

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