Forget about the sex, this is way better

It is February. The month when love is traditionally celebrated. Valentine’s Day is a time to extend love, affection and friendship.

This year, you have yet another opportunity to write your love story. It does not matter where you are coming from, the disappointments you have had, the pain, betrayal or frustration that you have experienced.

Remember you have what it takes to attract love and enjoy it, and thrive!

If you are having trouble connecting with anyone and finding love, it could be that you are stuck because of your past experiences, your gremlins, assumptions, interpretations or limited beliefs. It is always easy to buy into destructive myths that bring negative thoughts.

It is easy to fall into such a trap of “I am not good enough”, “I am not attractive enough”, “I have nothing to offer in a relationship, who really would want me?”

If you are feeling that way, welcome to the real world since you are not alone. Someone said “nothing has meaning until you give it meaning” what meaning do you give to situations that were not fruitful?

It is time to look at your saboteurs and call them by name, ask them to get behind you as you march towards finding love. It is time to find the love you so desire because you deserve it.

If you are not in a relationship this year, begin by celebrating yourself since you are the best gift not only to yourself but to some deserving person. Take time to reflect and re-assess your belief system and try to understand what is blocking your path to healthy relationships.

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The past does not define you, the present is an opportunity and the future is yours for the taking. Simply turn over a new leaf, and don’t beat yourself too hard. Take your time and purpose to find the one you deserve.

In seeking a love relationship, what are you looking for? Is it good looks, charisma, romantic eyes, a great smile or a great sense of humour?

Different people are attracted to different things, however, a healthy love relationship requires more than just looks!

While attraction plays a major role, there are other fundamentals such as compatibility, respect, trust, integrity commitment, contentment and open communication.

Here are some tips to guide you as you look for a healthy and vibrant love relationship. Find someone who: • Treats you with respect • Does not constantly put you down • Is not threatened by your relationships with friends and family • Is not controlling or abusive • Is not dependent on drugs and alcohol • Is compassionate and empathic • Considerate, supportive and is a good listener • Is non-judgmental and accommodative • Has a good reputation, is open-minded and knowledgeable • Has a relationship with his family • Has a balanced social life and respects boundaries • Affirms and commends your accomplishments and is secure

The best candidate does not necessarily have all those qualities so, find out what your non-negotiables are. When you find love, you will know it; there is no struggle, and there is a sense of peace, and security.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke