Help, I have to sleep with a knife under my pillow

My husband has always been insecure about me even though I have never cheated on him. He always makes nasty statements about how women are the ones cheating nowadays and that he cannot live with the thought of me being with another man. This has really affected my self esteem and interaction with friends and even family because if I smile with any of them, I have a case to answer.

He picks on anything such as the way I looked or laughed with so and so. That I seem to find other men’s jokes funny, my tone changes when I am talking to men, my weekend classes have increased, and evening classes take longer – everything is always linked to the assumption that I am cheating. He gets moody and has said on several occasions that he will kill me if he ever catches me. I have to sleep with a knife under my pillow. I feel like a fugitive. {Annette}

Your Take:

It is unfortunate that you realise this now after eight good years of marriage. You want to turn your back on a man that has been there for you all this time simply because of his education level? Many marriages have been successful irrespective of existing differences in educational background. If you truly love him, stay with him for better or worse. If this is a big issue to you, encourage him to further his education as well so you can be at the same level. However, remember that the grass always looks greener on the other side. {Jeff O Mbaka}

Women are known to have a change of heart once they achieve more than their men. This is actually confirmed by your actions. You have found another man who has a Masters. I wish to remind you that you married him out of love and not for his educational background. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he is the one who paid for your education. Do not appear to be testing the waters on the other side because marriage requires wisdom and not education to thrive. Think about this and stop acting confused. {Ouma Rangumo}

Silvia, what you are experiencing is normal esteem adjustment. However marriage is a sacred institution, which does not learn on school curriculum. Examine if the man still has the qualities you saw in him when you were marrying him. If you feel insecure because of his academic papers, support him to be what you want. Other than the papers, those men you lean towards may be devils. Thou shall love thy husband and gamble not. {Tasma Charles}

Silvia, being submissive is the key to any happy marriage. Education, tribe, lifestyle, career and other things should never affect your marriage. You should learn to accept your partner no matter what he does. I would advise you to let the love you have for him take control. You never know if he might end up acquiring a PhD some day. Do not make the mistake of getting involved with other men as this will only ruin your marriage. {Calvin Queens}

To start with, you can’t fight or keep quarreling with a person you purport to love. Secondly, you have to be real and frank with each other since communication is a very vital ingredient in relationships. My advice is that you look for a counsellor to act as mediator and see if you can salvage your marriage. {Ignatius Odhiambo}