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Home / Relationships

I always take the lead in the bedroom but now I'm tired of him slowing me down

 Photo: Courtesy

My boyfriend has a problem with his libido. We are both 23, but he just never seems to be in the mood for sex. Many times, I am the one who initiates or asks for sex and sometimes he says he is tired or stressed. When we eventually get to doing it, it only lasts a few seconds then it is over. I am starting to feel unattractive even though I believe I am good looking and sexy. Many men want to be with me but I love this guy. I want to help him but I don’t know how. Please advise me.{Leah}

Your Take:

Sex is psychological and the physical will depend on the state of the mind. It is possible you could be in love with a man who loves very little in you, and you put him off the moment he sets his eyes on you. Try and see if he has a psychological problem or seek professional help. If you, say, other men are running after you, then try them and see if it feels the same. You already know that both of you want different things so do not lie to yourself; wake up.

 {Tasma Charles}

 Leah, you are still young and you need to give him more time to fix this because at this age, his libido should actually be on a high. Continue showing him love and affection but if he does not change in the next two years, then look for another one.

 {Weldon Kirui}

There are many men out there but as they say, a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush. Sex is mainly psychological and people need to prepare well for it. Prepare him psychologically, feed him well with a good and balanced diet, let him relax and be entertained and let him have some peace of mind, he shall fulfill his duty. Be satisfied with the one man you have and if need be, consult a sex therapist. You could also take a holiday or go to a place where you will both be relaxed.

 {Onyango Outha}

The first step to healing is accepting that there is something wrong. You can only help him overcome this if he personally admits there is a problem. Talk to him and see if he admits to there being a problem in your sex life.

Do not sound demanding and overly rude, remember no man can easily admit that he has a sexual problem as this would seriously bruise his ego. You can also try to find out what he fancies most. People are different and maybe he loves other forms of intimacy. Try and understand what his problem is but know that you can solve this in your own bedroom.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Leah, your man could be having a problem and the best way to solve it is through talking. Sit with him and discuss this matter in detail. You will find a lasting solution.

 {Elvis Ogola}

Counselor’s Take:

Libido is defined as a person’s overall desire for sex and the ability to carry out sexual activity to their satisfaction. This is not an unusual situation, Leah, in the present times.

People (both men and women) of all age groups are increasingly having trouble with their libido as a result of many factors some of which include stress, anxiety, illness, low fitness levels and poor dietary provisions. The lifestyles people are living in have a lot to do with this problem more than anything else.

Pharmacies are recording an increase in number of young men and women in search of sex enhancement drugs, which is different from a few years back when these were almost predominantly a preserve of older people. These trends point to the fact that the bar is shifting downwards for age groups that are vulnerable to incidences of low libido.

So getting on to solving the problem, you both have an active role to play. The first and very crucial step is trying to understand his perception towards this situation. Ask him what he thinks about your sex life; is he okay with the way things are? Is there something/s he would like to change (this could be phrased well including asking if there is something he would like you to change?

Understanding his thoughts about your current sex life will help a great deal in knowing how to deal with the problem. Many people know when they perform below par but do not know how to sort this out.

If he accepts that there is a problem, then you can help him out. Let him know that you are here for him and that he should be free to perform to the best of his ability then you will help him go further.

Second, try new things – to spice up things a little. Many couples have regained their sexual drives and chemistry just by changing location for instance taking a vacation (even for a weekend) or try watching some exotic movies.

However, remember the fundamentals to a good sex life are the basics: Healthy and fit body powered by a healthy diet and regular fitness exercise. This should sort things. {Taurus}

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