How to know when to let go of a friendship

Friendships, like any other relationship, can come and go. It could be because of distance or maybe a natural transition and you just grow apart. There are those who are lucky to have and hold on to friendships from childhood to adulthood but even that doesn’t guarantee eternal friendship.

However, unlike marriages, broken friendships have no process to acknowledge the end and signify moving on to a new life like is with a divorce. Most friendships, when ending, are faced with confusion over what went wrong and whether there are chances things might get better later and this makes it hard to be confidently know when exactly to close the door on a bad friendship.

Friendships come in varied shapes and sizes and oftentimes you don’t need a checklist of legit and non-legit reasons to end a one, maybe you just need to go with your gut. To help, we have some tips to help you know when to let go of a friend:

Holding each other back from healthy living

It is common to find unhealthy habits within friendship circles. They may be common psychological habits like a tendency to put each other down or constant complaining.

If you friend is pulling you down and pressuring you to take up this or that vice, or always making fun of your attempts to look after yourself, then maybe you need to strongly consider distancing yourself.

Feels like a transaction

Know your friends. Some people are close to you and pretend to be your friend because of what you are capable of doing for them. The red flags to watch out for include them frequently asking to borrow some money from you, trying to sell you something or keeping tabs on favours.

You are close because you are similar

Having some things in common doesn’t always mean that you now need to be friends. It is common to find yourself in a forced friendship since you have a similar background or lives. Similarity doesn’t mean ‘we should be friends.’ Real friendship focuses on the true building blocks of friendships like honesty, respect, trust as well as having each other’s back.

You do all the work

You are a friend not an assistant. You don’t have to do any work in the relationship. If you feel you are an employee to your friend then maybe it’s time to consider going on a go-slow.

One of the easiest ways to know if you are being an employee to your friend is when you are always finding yourself justifying their selfish and inconsiderate behaviours. Another one would be that you are always the one coming up with plans yet also having to change them when your friend doesn’t find them convenient.

Also, when you are the one doing all the emotional work, then you might want to reconsider.

Friendship is two-way and you shouldn’t be only one always talking down your friend or trying to shore them up from time to time.

You are being manipulated

You are being manipulated when you are always managing your friend’s emotions on their behalf.

One of the best clues to knowing that you are being manipulated in your friendship is when you feel it is unnecessarily intricate and you are often at a loss for words when you need to describe your friendship.

You can’t depend on each other

A good friend is one who shares in your struggles and successes and a good friend is always around when you need them. A good friendship represents an equilibrium of mutual support and you should always feel certain that you have your friendship to rely on whenever you are faced with a need.