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In her eyes he is the closest thing to God, in her eyes he is a King. To her father she means the world, she means everything.
Mona Ombogo talks to women, leaders in their field, on experiences and memories of their fathers and how this has influenced their relationships with men, how they handle money and how they raise kids.
Diana Mwakio:
Senior Manager at an oil company
On Men:
A man must command respect: My father was the last line of defence when it came to discipline in our household. My mum would deal with the day-to-day offences, but when the big crimes were committed, you’d find yourself in front of my dad and that was never a good thing. He was firm and thorough. I learned to appreciate that a man needs to be strong and revered within his circles or he can be extremely ineffective. It isn’t a coincidence that to date, I am attracted to men who are not afraid to lead.
A man is his family: We were that family who always showed up for events, functions, visits, you name it. It was important to my dad that we form a strong bond, not just amongst ourselves but with our uncles, aunties and cousins. I learned to judge a man by how hard he works to keep his family together, no matter what is happening around him.
Men don’t matter more, knowledge does: My father believed in equal learning opportunities for all his children. He allowed all of us to contribute to the family businesses. It didn’t matter if you were male or female. He inculcated in us the importance of education. I wasn’t the brightest cookie in my class, but I had a hunger to learn, which stays with me today. I find myself consistently curious to gain more skills, do new things and acquire what I need to get me to the next level.
On Money:
There are two extremes to life: During school holidays, it was almost mandatory that we go upcountry. I remember we would arrive on the back of my dad’s pick-up truck and our little village would come to a standstill because there were so few vehicles back then. Though we weren’t rich, seeing this other side of life made me thankful for everything we had. In fact, it made me want to work harder so that I would never lack. That sense of ambition has never left me.
If you don’t plant it, it will never grow: My dad believed in being hands-on. When we went upcountry during the holidays, we would till the fields just like everyone else. He wanted us to know that nothing came free; if there was food on the table, it was because someone had worked to get it there. People sometimes think I push too hard in my career, but I learned from a man who believed that if you don’t work, you don’t eat.
Go where wealth is: In my house, my dad was the entertainment capital. One of his roles was to find new hotels, restaurants, resorts et cetera for us to visit. It was important to him that we travelled widely and were cultured. He always said, the best way to grow money, is to experience wealth first hand. I am thankful for that because I love the finer things in life, and if I find I can’t afford something, I simply work harder until I can.
On Kids:
Kids need parents, not TV: During Christmas, we would gather as a family and my dad would regale us with stories. He was such a great story teller, he could repeat the same tale countless times but all of us would be in stitches, laughing. We built strong bonds in those times. I constantly remind myself that when I have kids, I will make time for them.
Kids want to be heard: I was a strong-willed child. My father, of course, would not stand for my disobedience but he almost always gave me a chance to explain myself and air my views. I felt like I had a right to speak. I believe this is a quality people appreciate about me to date.
A parent’s intention is often love, even when they get it ‘wrong’: My father was over protective of me, mostly because I was his first daughter. I felt like my freedom and sometimes my potential was curtailed. Now, I appreciative that my father acted from a point of love. It was his job to parent as best as he could and it is now my job to sift through the blueprints he left behind, keep what works and change what doesn’t.
Diana Mwakio: Senior Manager at Leading Oil Company
On Men:
A man must command respect: My father was the last line of defence when it came to discipline in our household. My mum would deal with the day-to-day offences, but when the big crimes were committed, you’d find yourself in front my dad and that was never a good thing. He was firm and thorough. I learned to appreciate that a man needs to be strong and revered within his circles or he can be extremely ineffective. It isn’t a coincidence that to date, I am attracted to men who are not afraid to lead.
A man is his family: We were that family who always showed up for events, functions, visits, you name it. It was important to my dad that we form a strong bond, not just amongst ourselves but with our uncles, aunties and cousins. I learned to judge a man by how hard he works to keep his family together, no matter what is happening around him.
Men don’t matter more, knowledge does: My father believed in equal learning opportunities for all his children. He allowed all of us to contribute to the family businesses. It didn’t matter if you were male or female. He drilled in us the importance of education. I wasn’t the brightest cookie in my class, but I had a hunger to learn, which stays with me today. I find myself consistently curious to gain more skills, do new things and acquire what I need to get me to the next level.
On Money:
There are two extremes to life: During school holidays, it was almost mandatory that we go upcountry. I remember we would arrive on the back of my dad’s pick-up truck and our little village would come to a standstill because there were so few vehicles back then. Though we weren’t rich, seeing this other side of life made me thankful for everything we had. In fact, it made me want to work harder so that I would never lack. That sense of ambition has never left me.
If you don’t plant it, it will never grow: My dad believed in being hands-on. When we went upcountry during the holidays, we would till the fields just like everyone else. He wanted us to know that nothing came free; if there was food on the table it was because someone had worked to get it there. People sometimes think I push too hard in my career, but I learned from a man who believed, if you don’t work, you don’t eat.
Go where wealth is: In my house, my dad was the entertainment capital. One of his roles was to find new hotels, restaurants, resorts et cetera for us to visit. It was important to him that we were well travelled and cultured. He always said, the best way to grow money, is to experience wealth first hand. I am thankful for that because I love the finer things in life, and if I find I can’t afford something, I simply work harder until I can.
On Kids:
Kids need parents, not TV: During Christmas, we would gather as a family and my dad would regale us with stories. He was such a great story teller, he could repeat the same tale countless times but all of us would be in stitches, laughing. We built strong bonds in those times. I constantly remind myself that when I have kids, I will make time for them.
Kids want to be heard: I was a strong-willed child. My father, of course, would not stand for my disobedience but he almost always gave me a chance to explain myself and air my views. I felt like I had a right to speak. I believe this is a quality people appreciate about me to date.
A parent’s intention is often love, even when they get it ‘wrong’: My father was over protective of me, mostly because I was his first daughter. I felt like my freedom and sometimes my potential was curtailed. Now I appreciative that my father acted from a point of love. It was his job to parent as best as he could and it is now my job to sift through the blueprints he left behind, keep what works and change what doesn’t.
Monica Sumbi-Matiri: Regional Marketing and Operations Consultant at Multinational Company
[Top 40 Under 40 2011]
On Men:
A man is present: My dad was a professor, so he had flexible working hours. While other kids would be picked from school by their mums, we would find my dad waiting for us. He would make our dinner, help us with homework and entertain us until my mum got home. We all had a personal relationship with him and he was so in love with my mother. I’ve been married for 11 years and I am blessed that I see this quality replicated in my husband.
A man strategizes: After our formative years, my dad went into politics. He didn’t have as much free time as he did when we were growing up but he still didn’t take a back seat. My dad would make the big plans like buying land or property, and my mother would implement them on the ground. I learned that if something is important enough to a man, he will find a way to take action.
Men respect confident women: I spent a lot of time with my dad. One of the most memorable moments I had of him was a long four hour walk we took, from our home upcountry to the home where he was born. We talked about everything. Because I was so comfortable in his presence, I’ve never been shy or uneasy around men. This confidence has opened many doors for me and has helped me push forward without being intimidated.
On Money:
When you are generous, more comes: Though he came from an extremely humble background, my dad was educated in America. He would consistently send money home, no matter how little he had. Even when he returned to Kenya, he continued to look after his siblings. Our house was always full of people. Yet, we never, ever lacked. In fact, we lived a privileged upbringing. The more we gave, the more we received. I learned that there is always enough to go around.
Invest when you don’t need it and it will be there when you do: My dad never believed in money sitting in the bank, he went by the principle that money should work for you. He was always looking for the next best investment, whether it was land, property or a business opportunity. He passed away over 20 years ago but the legacy he built still stands today. I want to leave the same behind for my children.
On Kids:
Kids are different: I was an only girl in a family of 4 boys. While my parents taught us equality, they also had to recognize that I responded differently to things than my brothers, and vice versa. I often saw my dad taking time to learn the different personalities of all his kids, because that was the best way to get through to any of us. I try to do the same with my two children; not everyone responds to being shouted at, not everyone responds to being placed in a naughty corner. It’s crucial to relate to a child in a language they understand.
When you trust a child, they flourish in life: One year before my father died, I worked with him during his last campaign trail. I was handling the finances, mapping out routes, watching his interaction with his supporters. While everyone else saw a man vying for a political position, I saw a man who had entrusted me, his daughter, with one of his most crucial career moments. That level of confidence boosted me so much, that to date, there is nothing I set my mind to, that I feel I can’t accomplish.
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