A controversial media personality stirred a hornets’ nest last weekend when she said that, for Sh5,000 per hour, she will be listening to men (on Zoom) tell her their relationship issues, arguing that men mostly have no one to talk to about their shidas, especially in relationships. That may be true or not.
But Ciku Muiruri also said that ‘women have support groups, from their girls to chamas to blood sisters’ that they share their issues with, and so come out the psychologically healthier sex. But this is where women go wrong!
Yes, they discuss their issues – among each other, which is like an echo chamber – and although she may feel better, it is like taking Trump’s hydroxyl-chloroquine when you get infected with the coronavirus. You may feel relief for a while, but the darn disease is still lurking in your lungs.
Think about it. Be honest as a woman. How many times do you host/give an ear to that girlfriend or female relative, who is always whining about the same guy/issues, year in/out?
What you need is a member of the opposite sex, a man who actually understands the psychology of men, to talk to (and not a professional psychiatrist, because not only are they dull, but they cost a leg-and-a-mind; and after all, lady, you are not crazy, just stressed about your man’s ways).
So, dear female reader, I will listen to you, and offer both advice/solutions, based on my 12 years weekly experience, deciphering men on this space. Coz although I don’t always understand women (which man does?), I know dudes like the back of my hand – how we think, what motivates us, why we love/reject, all that.
My areas of specialty will be as below (now I feel like those mgangas who put up their shingles on trees, including ‘solving male erectile dysfunction including in courtroom where you win case’).
Alcoholism: As one whose late dad was a lifelong heavy drinker, and myself went on the occasional binge in past years, if your man (or even yourself) are struggling with alcohol issues, I can give you tots, err, tips on how to get him to moderate his pinting to acceptable levels.
Break ups: Whether you are a 20-year-old whose just been dumped, or a 50-year-old woman in the middle of a bitter divorce, I have the secret of how to move on, mentally and emotionally, within a very short time, including from my own ‘separation’ experience six years ago.
Child support: Are ye a baby mama who got ghosted by him the minute you got pregnant – my pal Beryl up there often writes humorously about this – and now ye want some child support? Before you go rushing to the courts, or other threats, we have tips on how to get him to pay up.
Daddy issues: ‘D’ is for Daisy and flowers so beautiful, but ‘D’ is also for ‘Daddy Issues.’ While many men have these, these days, so do many women who are still hang up on the past.We will lay out the psychology of your Daddy Issues.
Finances: These are the hobgoblin of many a relationship, especially in the strain of these corona days. Most serious relationships are ruined over finances, more than even infidelity or cruelty (bestiality is rare, lol). So if you don’t like the way he handles money/ doesn’t scour for cash, we have answers.
Football: And how to bond with your man over the beautiful game. This is the weekend of the Champions’ League final, so maybe it’s too late for this game. But next EPL season begins in three Saturdays’ time, time enough to learn the game (if he’s diehard Arsenal, though, you’ll be miserable most weekends).
Girlfriend/ Clande/ MWK: Maybe he has one of this, and your deepest darkest desire is to see her burn in acid hell. But did you know that you can become the woman who makes a man dump his side dish, the way bad salad is thrown into the trash can? Yes, you can!
So write to us on the e-mail below and we’ll 'listen' to your issue. Better than talking to your GFs over red wine.