I have been a good wife but this man is too much

I married my husband 2011 and at the time he did not have a job. Since then, I have tried to support him to venture into business by giving him capital but whenever I give him money, it always goes down the drain. I have tried different ways of helping him including buying stock for him but after a while, he runs down the business and becomes jobless again. I don’t know how to help him get back on his feet now since I have lost so much money trying to help him. I love him and just like any other woman, I would like to have a man who is financially stable and who also supports me. Please advise me on how I can help him before I give up on him. {Betty}

Your Take:

You found this man jobless and he is not interested in changing this status. I would want to know between the two of you who comes up with the business ideas. Business cannot boom and succeed just because there is capital. It takes more than that to run a successful business. If it is always his idea to start the business then he owes you an explanation as to why he can’t maintain the business.

{Lillian Mwihaki}

If you love him and your only worry is his status, then make him relevant to the labour market so he can secure a job since he has proved he cannot run a business. You also have the option of letting him stay in the house as you provide everything the same way he would if you were unemployed and he had a means to raise income.

{Tasma Charles}

You have spoilt your own man Betty and the fact that you are willing to give him more money every time he squanders it, makes him do it even more. This man could be an opportunist who wants to live off a woman. Stop seeing love and start being sensible. Ordinarily, men are the ones to provide for their families.

{Peter Oyaro, Shanzu}

Betty, some men are generally lazy and only fancy waking up late and idling around all day. If you are married to such a man, then think twice about your love for him. A man must manoeuvre and find a way to support his family.

He should not be allowed to sit around and eat free things while you are busy working hard out there. However, if your love supersedes his laziness, then take care of him!

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

Betty, they say that it is easy to get the lion out of a bush but it is difficult to get the bush out of the lion. This is indeed true and more so when it comes to business.

Counselor’s Take:

Anyone can sit in a shop but not everyone can run a business. Business is a discipline that requires a lot of determination, endurance and a strong desire to make it succeed. This is difficult when one is not business-minded and more so when the business idea was conceived by someone else (sometimes it gets worse if it comes from a wife).

I am inclined to believe that he may not be cut out for business. My prayer is that he does not turn out to be from that family of men that want to live off women. This is the most dangerous person to have in your house and even more dangerous to have as a spouse.

Nonetheless, he is your husband and since you took the vows, you are obligated to stay with him through thick and thin. You are doing a wonderful thing by supporting him – the greatest gift a man can get from his wife.

This is a good thing but remember a good thing done the wrong way ends up being a bad thing regardless of the intention.

Let him off a little for a while. Let him stay without anything to do, but provide just the basic necessities for survival. If you make him too comfortable then you will get off the right path to straightening him out. Do not give him any money and expose him to a period of strain and lacking.

Naturally, when one is exposed to such difficulties they become creative and develop a strong urge to do something. This leads them to exploring what they can do and in many instances, they come up with brilliant ideas about what they want to do. This is what can be considered for financing.

However, even at this stage, do not provide the financing directly to him i.e. from you to him. Link him with a financial institution and attach something he values (even though you may out a guarantee for him). This will remove the casual manner in which he handles the business ventures you help him put up and this may lead him on the right path to financial independence. {Taurus}