How to parent as a team when you disagree
By ESTHER MUCHENE | 3 months ago
Due to the excitement, distractions and the stress that may come with raising children, rarely do parents factor in each other’s parenting style.
Most of the times we only think of how we would want to raise our kids forgetting you are not doing it alone. Your husband or wife also have their own way of doing things and if you’re not both on the same page some conflicts may arise.
When this starts to happen, the divide leaves one parent to be the strict one and the other one as the more lenient one.
This may start to cause some tension as the stricter parent becomes frustrated and annoyed at the more lenient one who allows too much leeway.
What this does is your children become manipulative and put you against each other at their own benefit or should we say peril in the long run.
To ensure you have everything under control and move as a team, here is how you can be productive parents putting your disagreements aside:
- Create the rules together
This is especially important for couples who are co-parenting. You both need to move in one accord when the kids are with one parent and when they go back home to the other.
Clearly write the rules down together as the parents and let your children know the consequences of breaking them. Help them understand to avoid miscommunication and this way it will be easy to enforce them.
If they have a suggestion hear them out and reach an agreement you’re all happy with.
- Back each other
No matter how upset or unhappy your child is, do not give them an exemption from doing what they are meant to do. This will create confusion and the message you’re sending to them is one of you can be conquered.
As parents you should always follow the rules and that is why you came up with them in the first place. You must stick to it always to avoid inconsistency.
- Avoid disagreements in their presence
Even if you don’t agree with how your partner is discipling your children do not critique or interfere with their decision unless they are being abusive or endangering your child’s life.
Wait for the right moment to talk it out rather than argue in front of them. Your kids will notice something is wrong and use that to their advantage.
Don’t let them witness your disputes especially if one of you is putting a negative spotlight on the other one.
- Take it easy
We’re not perfect and once in a while you or your partner will lose their patience and take it out on your children.
This is not the time to start accusing each other or throwing nasty words around. Calmly talk about it and don’t hold any grudges.
Remember you’re the ones in charge and you shouldn’t be fighting or disagreeing in their presence. Listen to each other and make compromises where necessary.
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