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My mum is having an affair behind dad's back

Marriage Advice

This week’s topic

My mum is having an affair. I was taking some photos using her phone and when I went to the gallery I found pictures of her in bed with another man. I became curious and on checking her WhatsApp, I realised that the guy (she introduced him to me as a workmate) is saved as a lady but with very funny messages to her. My dad is born again and I am so hurt by this. She knows that I found out, but she has not raised it with me. I am only 22 and I am confused and hurt. I think dad deserves to know the truth. What should I do? 


Your take

Miriam, these are your parents and I advise you to handle this issue carefully. Talk to her and get her to end this affair that could lead to divorce if your father found out.

{Pastor, Ben Shikuku}


You are justified to feel offended, but you cannot approach and talk to your mother about such issues. The best you can do is to talk to a relative or friend of hers to talk to her. It was reckless of her to take photos of her promiscuity, but do not use this to blackmail her. Remember she is still your mother.

{Ouma Ragumo, Sifuyo School}


Drop the bombshell in front of your father. This is actually the cause of his suffering. Suppose she infects him with HIV? This would haunt you for the rest of your life. You can stop this immorality. Your mom has betrayed her matrimonial vows and since you know about this, the ball is in your court now.

{Onyango Outha, Jauduny}


Since you don’t know what led her to this, try and involve a friend of hers, a relative or your pastor. If she confronts you about this, share your feelings about it and if she does not change, tell your father because a lot is at stake.

{Tasma Charles}


This is a tricky situation for you. However, take a step back and think about it. Your mother is mature enough to know that he could stumble upon the photos so there could be very many angles to this. Avoid creating chaos and confront her about this before taking any other action. Actually there may not be an affair at all.

{Sheila Amiso}


This is painful and confusing for you but I advise that you keep it to yourself. If she is cheating on him, he will somehow find out about it one way or the other. He may even have more access to her phone than you do, so leave it to them to sort their problems. 

{Silessie Maina}


For the sake of peace, do not utter a word about this to anyone. She can even deny the allegations then it all turns on you. Some things are too sensitive to handle.

{Gilbert Tangatt}


Sorry about the situation, but do not rush to tell your dad about this as it could bring tension in the family. Talk to your mum secretly and tactfully, and I am sure she will see the sense.

{Erickson Were}


Tell your dad about this then talk to your mum and tell her you are not happy. You will have done your part, then leave it to them to deal with it.

{Joshua Obino}

Counsellor’s take

Miriam, you are trying hard to be fair to both your parents, and are obviously feeling caught up in between them. This is a difficult situation and you may even be wishing you had not found out about this.

However, you are not an investigator, neither a judge nor a counsellor and as such, it is not your responsibility to tell your dad about what is going on.

If you feel compelled to act, you may start by telling your mother that you know the truth and she ought to come clean and change her ways.  

 But the best thing is to leave this matter to them.  While this is most probably a difficult time for your family, with time everything will be well. This is the kind of trouble that snooping gets you into, therefore, I encourage you to stop getting into other people’s business — it always gives you a peace of mind. Nonetheless, you are very intelligent and I commend you for handling this matter in a mature and considerate way.


In the next issue:

I am 19 years and have a step brother who is 12. We live with mum and step dad. Even though we all love each other, I have come to learn that my mum loves my brother more than she loves me. In fact, I think she hates me. She is always nice to him but many time mean to me, and ignores me most times. My step dad is a good man and he loves us equally, but I don’t understand why she always treats me badly. I want to tell my dad about this, but don’t know what will happen after that. Please advise me.  {Daniel}

Photo: www.mplscounseling.com

Dear readers, this column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week, we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your CONFESSION for discussion in this forum before TUESDAY.


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