How do I become a better partner in my relationship?

Hi Chris,

I’ve had several relationships, and basically none of them have turned out too well.

Sometimes it was clearly all his fault, but some recent conversations with my girlfriends have made me wonder about my own relationship skills.

In fact I’ve realised that I’m not even sure what a good relationship really feels like! I’d also convinced myself that I loved each and every one of my boyfriends, but now I’m not sure about that either.

And wonder whether I even know what love is, beyond all that initial excitement!

Please put me right so I can do better next time.

Good Relationships

——

Hi Good Relationships!

No one ever really understands what a good relationship feels like until they’ve experienced one. Because true love is different.

It starts with choosing a boyfriend you can trust. Because the chances are that trust was an issue in most of your bad relationships. So in future don’t even think of dating someone who shows the slightest signs of being flaky, unfaithful, dishonest or uncaring.

Once you’re with someone you’re sure of, gradually start talking honestly and openly about everything together. No matter how difficult that seems initially.

Never ever cheat, and have faith in your partner. That can be difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. So if you feel insecure, talk it through together.

And if one of you does do something awful? Don’t give up. Try to understand why it happened. Maybe your behaviour contributed? So maybe you also need to change?

If your partner’s upset, acknowledge his feelings. Own up if you’re in the wrong. And if he’s angry about something you’re doing? Fix it.

Forgive quickly, learn from every fight, and once it’s over, let it go.

Togetherness is important, but so is being independent. You both need to do your own things, have your own friends, follow your own interests, or be alone.

Accept each other for who you are, because there’s always going to be something that drives you crazy. Instead focus on each other’s good points. Appreciate everything you do for each other, and express your gratitude as if it were the first time. Talk about what’s going right, rather than whining about what’s going wrong.

And it’s all too easy to get into a routine in which you wake up, go to work, come home late, and fall asleep. Hardly even noticing one another until suddenly the connection between you has gone.

Instead snuggle for a few minutes before you get up. Update each other throughout your day, especially if you’re going to be late. Watch less TV. Cook and eat together. Snuggle up and talk about your day, each other, your plans and goals.

That’s how good relationships work! Real love’s not a feeling. It’s what you do together.

All the best,

Chris