Confessions: Could I be pregnant or is the weather playing tricks on me?

I have been dating this guy for close to a month now. I'm 21 and he's 27. I left my now ex-boyfriend to be with him. Since we met, he's been acting less committed to the relationship. I'm the one who's been calling and he never calls unless he gets a missed call. On Valentine's, he told me his mum was sick and he had to travel home, which I later found out was a lie, but I didn't question him much because we had just started seeing each other. For this one month, I have never asked anything from him until three days ago when I fell sick (just malaria) and I told him that night. He asked me to go to the hospital but I told him I was broke since I'm a student doing my attachment. He said he would check on me in the morning and later send me something to go to the hospital but he didn't. I am now one week late on my period and I am just hoping that it's just weather change but this is scaring me. I don’t know what to do especially if it turns out that I am pregnant.

{Effie} 

What the readers say:

Effie, that is what it means falling in love with a man whose heart is elsewhere. He is most likely keeping you for convenience. You were safer with a man who loves you. Now that you are just 21, retreat and take a safer route for you have lost this one girl.

{Tasma Saka}

Within one month, you have dated to the point that you feel ignored. You find out that you were lied to and are probably pregnant. One month is too short for all this! This is the first of many experiences in life. The mistake you made was to trust him too soon but life will sometimes teach you bitter lessons. Sit down and discuss your concerns with him and observe his reactions. Tread carefully in this life. Things can become very complicated very quickly.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

I think you were desperate for a partner since one month is too short to get to know someone and get pregnant by him. With the low profile he has taken, it is clear that he is a hit-and-run guy and if you happen to be pregnant, just know it is because you gave in within such a short time!

{Pastor Ben Shikuku – Bungoma}

Boke says:

Dear Effie,

I wish it were possible to get you off dating for a while. You seem to be reading from the wrong script as far as relationships are concerned. You are young and probably overly excited about being in a relationship that is why you are changing your boyfriends just like that. This is not good -- not just for your health but much more your emotional well-being. 

You are hardly a month into this relationship but you are already suspecting that you are pregnant by someone you barely know. Apart from pregnancy, I hope you are safe as far as STD/Is are concerned.

The other strange thing is how you sound so needy and clingy. If you are a student, you probably have parents who are glad to support you. Do not be too dependent. Otherwise you will be exposing yourself and therefore making yourself vulnerable to people who may have no problem giving you money yet they have no value for you. Some level of pride and self-love is important.

Being too needy also places you at a disadvantage in any relationship. It is not being humble. If anything, it is a serious put-off. People prefer to relate with individuals who are whole. I am sure you do not want to send away a potential partner because of this. That is why I am strongly suggesting that you take a break from dating altogether and give yourself time to examine and evaluate what you stand for and what you need from a relationship.

For now let us hope that you are not expectant and if you are, discuss the way forward with your boyfriend.

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology

Simon says:

Effie, you had better keep your fingers crossed that the delay is nothing but the weather because if by any chance you turn out to be pregnant, things will get really complicated for everyone. Being that you wrote in about a week or two ago, I hope things have changed since then. We shall look into this from both perspectives so as to prepare you for any eventuality but this will only work for now. Next time, please wait a little before hitting the bedsheets with a man -- and at the very least, make sure he uses a condom.

As we deliberate on the courses of action, we also need to be conscious of the facts; he never calls you, you are the one who always calls him; he does not support you in any way even when you are unwell; he is a constant liar and I am certain the list goes on and on. Those are characteristics of a man who wants nothing to do with a woman.

Now suppose you are pregnant? This will mean you start thinking about a life with your child and if he ever comes on board, then it will be a bonus although this is highly unlikely. At this rate, I would encourage you to get back with your ex-boyfriend so as to have some form of insurance, should you turn out to be pregnant.

Our hope is that this will turn out to be just a delay and that you are not pregnant. However, this does not mean you cannot get pregnant in the near future. You need to organise yourself and stay away from him and put your efforts on a man who appreciates you for who you are. The only thing that interests him in you is sex and there is nothing more for him in this. Remember if you choose to stay with him for whatever reason, you must be prepared to deal with all the shortfalls that will come with it.

Lastly, at 21, you are still very young and you should not be putting so much emphasis on men and sex to the point of having pregnancy scares and issues. Girl, you need to get organised for your future by building yourself before responsibilities kick in! Go to college, acquire some skills and build a foundation for yourself then issues of sex and men can come later. Do this and you will thank me later.

{Simon Anyona is a relationships counsellor}