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Girl code: How many kids do you wish to have?

Girl Talk
 Pregnancy (photo courtesy)

 

Agreeing on the number of children to have has always been a source of conflict for couples. It may seem simple but it’s quite a complex decision.

I recently watched a clip that went viral on social media. It was about a woman who was looking for a husband. She already had one child and, through the video, she was making it clear that if she ever got married, she would not carry another pregnancy. People were up in arms, crucifying her for not wanting to have a child with whoever married her but I thought otherwise.

At least she was honest enough to put her expectations on the table before engaging any man in a relationship. I saw that as a brave move unlike those who wait to get into a marriage to start fighting over what number of children to have. Those couples who come to an agreement early enough in life are the luckiest people in the marriage planet.

On the other hand, those who take years to decide on it suffer the most. It’s no wonder some families have an age gap of up to 15 years between two siblings who follow each other. I choose to make my preferences clear early enough in the relationship. It would give us the time to come to an agreement or disagreement before we get into marriage.

The other day, I was telling a friend that I wasn’t planning to have any more children even though I have dreams of getting married someday. He blatantly told me that with such a mind-set, I will never find a man who will marry me in Africa. For a moment I felt like betting with him about that but then again I thought, this son of a woman doesn’t even know what he is talking about.

Human beings make certain decisions for various reasons. When you hear a woman or man say they don’t want to have any more children, for Pete’s sake, don’t force them to. Only they know what magnitude that decision has.

I went through such a horrible experience in my first pregnancy that anytime I see an expectant woman, I feel like stopping everything I was doing and saluting her as a sign of respect. It isn’t easy to carry a pregnancy my friends. True, some women have it smooth all through their pregnancies -- let’s just say God works in different ways. If you are among those who have easy pregnancies, never stop thanking your maker.

As for me, the word pregnancy sends chills down my spine and it is enough for me to end a relationship even if it is with the man of my dreams. Any time a man approaches me for a relationship, I mention it early enough that conceiving is not anywhere around my near or future dreams. Some have taken off even before I finish the sentence while others have held on just for a little while to see how serious I am.

One man told me that his family would never accept me if I refuse to have a child with him. This man has seven children from different mothers and is married to none of these mothers. Here he was trying to convince me to carry another pregnancy for him! If his family never fought for these other women yet they gave birth to his children, then what guarantee did I have that I would be any different?

 Then again, you are coming on board with seven children while I am coming on board with one yet you still want to call the shots about children? Are you by any chance starting a kindergarten? Sir, take a back seat and watch us get married elsewhere.

It’s wrong to manipulate anyone into having a child with you. The end results have always been bitter parents and suffering children. If you cannot agree on the number of children to have, then maybe you are not in the right relationship.

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