It has been 4 years since I engaged my girlfriend but she has some peculiar habits when it comes to our relationship. We spend most of the time away from each other and whenever we are not together, she sends many text messages saying that she is going to leave me but when we meet, everything goes on as if nothing happened. Her aunt has always been against our relationship and she has done many things to ensure that our relationship breaks including poisoning the minds of their family members about me. I have proposed to marry her but she says that she will not because her aunt will curse her. I love her but I am not sure if she is still in love with me. Please advice
What the readers say
Joab this is a difficult relationship and it calls for the status of “its complicated”. You might want to analyze your relationship and your situation. Be honest to yourself while analyzing, because it is your future. If she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t love you. Just move on.
Did you ask her about the goals she had before you started dating her? Maybe she had other goals that she did not tell you about. You must ask yourself if you want her to fulfil a role in your life, or if you want to fulfil a role in her life.
Just enjoy it while it lasts. When she comes she gives you everything a man desires for so I don’t understand why you are complaining. Getting married can be expensive but you don’t want to get married to someone who does not want to be married by you. The longer you can delay giving any commitment to her the better off you will be. Just enjoy what you have my friend that is the best woman you will find around.
First and foremost think about it and ask yourself what it is you really like about her. Alternatively, you can also try and make her understand how much she means to you. Tell her to forget about that silly auntie of hers and focus on what she wants.
Joab, your situation is somewhat interesting and serious at the same time and we shall give it the attention it deserves. Having been together for four years should most certainly account for something and it ought to have contributed to the strengthening of your relationship. So far from what I gather, you both hardly know each other (or rather, you hardly know her) because she seems to you all figured out, her “aunt” seems to be the primary advisor and decision maker in her life and that your girlfriend appears to have a double personality depending on whether she is around you or away from you.
You say that you have been engaged for four years but she will not agree to get married to you. I would put that in slightly different terms; that you have been dating her for about four years. You see, engaging a lady implies that you have expressed a desire to marry her and that your proposal has been accepted. For your situation, it seems she will hear nothing about getting married to you. This thing about her sending text messages whenever she is away is a clear sign that she is either not interested in you (especially when she is away) or she has better things to do while she is away which both add up t the fact that she seems to have very little respect and value for this relationship – if any. It is about time you started reading the writing on the wall and this is written in her aunt’s hand writing.
This brings me to the other major issue in this relationship i.e. her aunt. It actually seems as if there are three people in this relationship and the third one is the one wielding all the power. On one hand she has continually discouraged your girl from staying engaged to you through all mean possible (including poisoning the minds of family members on the other side) while on the other she is busy threatening to curse her niece if she accepts to get married to you. I would vaguely understand the first two issues but the later is the funniest joke I have heard since a certain man made his wife Vice President. In the first instance and unless you have met her face to face, I doubt that she even exists. She could be a creation of your girlfriends mind to get a convenient way out of this relationship and blame all her troubles on this “aunt” who does not even exist. This lady is not interested in you why don’t you just close this and look for another more meaningful and beneficial relationship.
Simon is a relationships counsellor who helps couples face the hard truth in dealing with issues towards reaching reasonable and amicable solutions