Why the silent treatment is good for marriage

After the kerfuffle last week, Carol, rather dramatically left the house and went wherever she went for four days. Maybe she expected you will call. Maybe she expected you will be over the place looking for her. But may be she didn't. It is hard to pin down what Carol thinks.

You came back on Wednesday armed with the ingredients for your dinner. Only to find that she had bought some KFC, for her, the daughter and the house help. There are no hugs or pleasantries.

You place your dinner in the kitchen and come back to the sitting room, you say "hi". There is no response. You wait to see if she will go and cook the dinner but by 10 p.m when she resigns to bed, there is no likelihood of the food being prepared. From the beginning, you were banned from ordering the house help or even talking to her.

So, with painful humility, you enter the kitchen, roll your sleeves and in under 20 minutes your sukuma wiki, eggs, and ugali is ready. You eat as you watch Jeff Koinange horsing around on TV. When you go to bed, Carol is sleeping at the farthest corner. She wants to ensure that there is no bodily contact. You find that to be mildly amusing.

In the morning, she wakes up earlier than usual, showers and sneaks out of the house. You find that to be petty, but she has a point. She is teaching you a lesson. And four days of washing utensils and cooking for yourself has made you realise how important she is when she is in charge.

During the day, you call her and she doesn't answer or even send a text. In the evening, you pass by the restaurant to eat, unsure if there will be food at home. And when you arrive, sure there is food, but it is the food that you hate that you find staring back at you; some lifeless rice and some stew concoction that even a prisoner will hate.

But all along, you are enjoying the peace and quietude that Carol's silence has brought about. You can stay out late all you want and accuse her that you have nobody to talk to. You can read your books, mess around the house and watch TV all you want without her interrupting to tell you something or demanding that you be in bed together.

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So, she may think that she is punishing you, but indirectly, you are enjoying every bit of it and wish you had more of that. By Friday, you have been reduced to chatting on phone if briefly. You both want each other, but the strain is real.

Friday, you skip going out and go home early, if only to score some points. She cooks well, serves the food and upgrades her communication from the monosyllabic answers on chat to brief responses to your questions.

You can sense that the house help already can read into the pettiness playing out, but you have no shield. When you wake up on Saturday, Carol suggests that you have to see a counselor, the two of you.

That doesn't go down well with you. You hate the idea on the spot.