The hypocrisy of Miss Independent: can a woman really hold herself down?

A couple of years back some enterprising Nigerian pastor offered to make special prayers at Nyayo National stadium for unmarried Kenyan women, to help them get husbands. The stadium has never been fuller, but it was filled to the rafters on that day.

There appears to be doublespeak when it comes to marriage especially among the urban women. They want to pretend as if it does not bother that they remain lonely with the clock ticking away preciously. Granted, we no longer live in my grandfather's times. He would never call out anyone's name. He used to cough! If you were within earshot of his cough, you had to scurry in a flash to find out what the old geezer wanted. One day I was the one who responded to his cough first, but I later figured out he wanted one of his wives. When I got to him, he shouted, "Take away your mucus from me, fast!" And I digress.

Indeed, we leave in strange times nowadays, far removed from the days when women were reduced to gathering fruits and tending to kitchen gardens. Today's urbanite woman lives and breathes success, irrespective of how that success is arrived at. Today's competitive world has girls and boys compete on a near-level pegging, raising expectations on women more than we did our mothers.

When women take to embrace the modern methods of making ends meet, there is bound to be friction between their traditional roles my grandmother so lovingly executed and their boardroom engagements. This explains why modern women treat marriage as a contract, as they do their jobs. Today's woman views marriage in the same way a professional footballer views his contractual engagement with his current club.

When he scores a goal for the club he is playing for now, he kisses the badge, when he moves to the cross town rivals; he will still kiss their badge. Why wouldn't he? After all, even before he joined the current club he was still kissing badges at his previous club. Regrettably, our women are also 'kissing badges' with reckless abandon.

In the days of my grandfather, a woman going into a marriage did so knowing the full responsibilities culture bestowed upon her as a homemaker. The traditional woman cared more for her reputation than anything else. They would never sue you but they knew how to keep the family name respected against all odds.Not anymore.

The modern woman is raised to have fun. It is now becoming a common occurrence for women to pass by the local pub every evening on their way home, for a pint or two. The men do it; why wouldn't the women? The professional woman has money to burn and can engage the services of a house manager to perform her duties as she parties. These women drinker harder than their fathers ever did, they smoke more than the Lunatic Express ever did.

When they stagger home week in week out, they take ages to figure out that the house manager has expanded her sphere of influence-and affection. Then they meet up in coffee shops amidst sobs as they proclaim all men carnivorous and therefore canine. But one just wonders, all this partying and the 'We went to Beijing' brouhaha where does it get them? When you party week in week out, 'with the girls' never mind the so called girls are old enough to have children in final year of their university studies, it is at what cost? And we are not talking about money, money is never a problem for a miss independent.