When it emerged that Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany (her position equals that of Prime Minister), cooks for her husband, many were surprised. Kenyan men who are used to egoistic women could not comprehend how such a powerful woman by any standard and an intellectual heavyweight could possibly still be so wifely? Well, perhaps German women are wired differently. But since we are these sides of Timbuktu, where women think getting Facebook likes is an achievement; my unsolicited advice to men is marry a Kenyan woman who is below their class.
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You marry a Kenyan woman who, when she was still in her father’s house, only ate chicken during Christmas or when distinguished guests visited; then you clean her up, upgrade and empower her. Then guess what? The moment her salary goes a digit beyond yours, poor man, her claws will come out and you see her true colours. This is the point Kenyan men are hit with the harsh realisation that Kenyan women are truly a special breed.
As a man married to a Kenyan woman, always try to be a step ahead of her if that marriage is to work. If she gets a degree, go for your masters. If she has more papers than you, make sure you have more coins than her. If she has a PhD and all you can show is a single degree certificate, woe unto you man. For, if you as much as forget to flush the toilet or your squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle, she will start throwing derogatory hints like, “Enyewe kuenda shule ni muhimu, toto ebu soma ukuwe mwerevu kama mama yako!”
Haven’t we heard of women who get elected as chairpersons in their chama which is made up of clueless housewives, and they stop cooking for their husbands? It is a little wonder that when they are elected MCAs, they consider their hubbies as sexual and intellectual imbeciles. They begin gallivanting with supposedly more endowed colleagues or bosses. That is why men would rather marry the submissive, plain Jane instead of the single corporate CEO who would develop a timetable for matters conjugal.
So, would you really blame the men who do not approve of their women climbing the education or social ladder? After all, women have proved to them that if they are empowered, they are probably going to kill the marriage. We are all privy to the story of a female mheshimiwa who got elected as a flower girl and the next thing we saw were her pictures with another politician in bed, yet both are married. A Kenyan woman will get on top of her game with the financial or moral support of her husband, then she suddenly becomes too busy to even spread her matrimonial bed. She begins to receive phone calls at night and claim she is too tired for ‘lighter duties.’
Very few women would still respect, honour and love their husbands when their stars begin to shine brighter than that of their men. That is why you’ll find a CEO married to a woman who can barely spell the world ‘parallelogram,’ because he knows this woman would be a submissive and dutiful wife who will turn his house into a home, not an intellectual hub of continuous tussle of who should have the last say now that both are well-learned and loaded.
A woman who uses her achievements to put down her husband and marriage is a fool. Men are everywhere, but husbands are rare. If you find one, do not sacrifice that luck on the alter of success. Let your success be a source of pride, not pain to your family. If you get the title of ‘mheshimiwa,’ remember that in the house, it is the husband who is mheshimiwa. You might be the boss at your place of work, but in your house, you must know you are a wife and mother. Do not boss everyone around, not even the house help because for all you know, she might be your co- wife who will handle your duties if you neglect them.
Men, by all means, allow your wives to spread their wings. If the wife is a good woman, her success will be your success. However, do not gamble. Since prevention is better than cure, marry a woman below your rung in the social ladder.