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Five things to remember before calling it quits

Divorce Center By Mona Ombogo
Cynthia W. Otieno, Relationship and Transformational Coach

1. Opposites attract: The irony is, the thing that drew you to your partner, is the thing that will be the stumbling block in the relationship. We attract the things we don’t have. For instance if you’re noisy, you will be attracted to a quiet person because you admire that element of composure in them. But as the storming stages of a relationship show up, you will expect your partner to handle issues the way you do. You talk about it. He remains silent. This is who you met but suddenly he is crucified for that very attribute which pulled you to him in the first place. The best solution is to remember your differences and accept them then, find a way to complement each other.

2. Time is a gift: It takes years to build a successful business. It takes years to build a successful marriage. But like in business, there need to have clear guidelines and a clear map on where you both want to go. In order to accomplish this, is it crucial that both parties always remember you are playing on the same side. Focus less on the weaknesses. Work to the strengths of each other to get to your desired destination.

3. Remember who you are: We all wear hats; mother, daughter, wife, friend, boss. These hats are a part of us but they do not determine who we are. It’s important, especially for women, to maintain a clear identity on what their individual purpose in life is outside of being a wife and a mother. The man you married, met you when you had purpose. When you lose this purpose, he loses a sense of who you are and therefore why he chose you. Always build yourself. You will inevitably build your marriage.

4. Do not give ultimatums: Men do not respond to threats.

They might cave and give you what you want, but it doesn’t accomplish the end result. When you threaten to ‘leave’ he stops having faith in the investment you both made and a part of him, checks out. Learn to communicate what you are unhappy with without a threat attached. Allow him to be a part of the solution, and not the problem you are trying to solve.

5. God is a God of second chances: There is always an opportunity to make things right again. This is true when you are still in your marriage. This is true if you have left. Remember nothing is a death sentence because you are always bigger and always more than the things that are happening around you. When you make a decision, you can and always will, move forward. No matter what, you are still a woman.

— You can reach Cynthia on
[email protected]

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