Should I give up my girlfriend for my boss?

I work as a trainee in a leading hotel in Kenya. Our department is headed by a chef and trouble is brewing between the two of us over this lady who also works in the kitchen. This lady is my girlfriend but the chef has been pursuing her for a while now. As a result, there is a lot of tension between us and he is making my days at work difficult. I want to be free and happy at work, but I also love this lady very much. I have, however, contemplated leaving her just to be happy and to keep my job. I have a feeling that if I continue holding on to her, he will see to it that I am no longer working in this hotel. I am confused and don't know what to do. Please advise me. {Ronny}

Your Take:

Ronny, count yourself lucky to have a job. However, if she truly loves you, she must make this clear to the chef. If she hasn’t, then you don’t know if they are already having a relationship so let her go and keep your job. You will surely find love someday.

{Fred Jausenge}

You stated clearly that you are a trainee hence you are seeking to build your career. Your career is actually in his hands. He can even get you fired and give you a bad recommendation letter.

 Focus on your career with all your energy. There are many beautiful ladies out there. This one will only distract you and you will end up the loser.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

This lady is not faithful to you and you are running the risk of losing your job because of a woman. Remember it is easier to find another woman than to find a job.

There are many women out there so take care of your job first and other things will follow. You are also at risk of getting infected with HIV if she is having an affair with him.

{Onyango Outha}

You will have to choose between your job and this girl. Remember that it is work that brought you to the girl and I equally doubt if the situation will be the same if you lose your job. Cast your net wide and you will realize she may not be the only fish in the lake.

{Tasma Charles}

It is normal and natural to love but it is difficult to fight with your boss. As much as you may be right, this is a war you cannot win. Give your boss space so as to avoid intimidation at work place.

Look for another woman outside your workplace. Look through the window and you will see many ladies passing by. Quit the relationship brother and remain focused on your job.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You already have an answer to your problem and I advise you to concentrate on your work and forget about her. There are many girls around and it is obvious your boss (chef) will get you fired once he discovers that you are competing with him. God will bring your way the right fiancée at the right time and you will have no one to compete with.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}

Counselor’s Take:

Ronny, that is a dangerous and difficult path you have taken. Being a trainee, my assumption is that you are in your early 20s and new in the job market. There are some basic principles and sort of unspoken rules about the workplace that you ought to know about.

The first unspoken is that as much as possible and at all costs, it is prudent to avoid getting into romantic relationships at your place of work. This should be avoided at all costs because it not only puts you in an uncomfortable position with the person you are involved with, but it also puts you on a collision path with your workmates who may always have difficulty handling both of you.

You see, when you date a female colleague for instance, you destroy the friendly office atmosphere and make it difficult for everyone else to relate with her because they are careful not to hurt your feelings.

Again, in most offices all departments are interlinked and you will find yourself either asking them to do something for you or otherwise. If this gets done or it doesn't get done, or if it is delayed or hastened for one reason or the other it will always be linked to the relationship you are having.

The second untold rule and this is talked about in many circles, is the fact that you should never attempt (whether you are likely to succeed or not), you should never attempt to outshine your boss. You are working yourself into a situation that has no good ending to it regardless of whichever the outcome.

 If you stick by this lady effectively implying that the chef (your boss) loses her to you, I can assure you that he will not pop the champagne and toast to happiness. Again, if you engage him in a contest for the lady and for one reason or the other he ends up with her then he will do anything and everything to show you who is boss around there and all the time, it is you who will always be on the receiving end.

In this situation, it is better to quit while you are still ahead. Leave this lady alone and focus on building your career. When you take up a career like the one you have chosen, it pretty much depends on the appraisal of your seniors.

You therefore don't want to start rubbing them the wrong way and specifically so, not over a woman. Yes, yes, I know you love her, don't want to let her go and don't think you can live without her but I can tell you this for free – the day you will lose your job over her, is the day she will change her number and cling even more on to the chef because well, he will be the guy with the bucks and you will be a desperate, bitter and bitten young man looking for a job. {Taurus}