We are HIV+ but he won't zip up his trousers

I have been married for four years and everything was moving on well until about six months ago when I tested HIV+. I immediately told my husband and he tested positive too. We agreed to keep this between us and try to live positively and did not tell anyone including my younger sister who is living with us. About a month ago she became sickly and after taking several tests we confirmed she was pregnant. She became hysterical and said that my husband was responsible for the pregnancy. Now I cannot comprehend how he would do this to her. I had always thought that she would be the one to take care of my children should I die of the disease. I am really frustrated now and I keep having suicidal thoughts. I don’t know what to do. I need your help, please advice...{Sophie}

Your Take:

Take heart for the hurting you are going through. Life is full of challenges and disappointments. The truth is that she was impregnated by your husband and now you need to find a way to deal with that. Remain calm and take care of her.

{Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

It is a crime to knowingly infect someone with HIV. First establish if she is also infected and you may even wait for the baby to be born to do a paternity test. Committing suicide is not an answer to anything so stop even thinking about it.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

It is not so strange for your younger sister to get pregnant while under your care. I know what you are feeling right now but relax and seek advice from a trusted friend or counsellor. Let God guide you on the next step to take.

{Benson Mwangi}

Sorry for the double tragedy. Your husband and your sister are not sincere people. You need spiritual, moral, counseling and good medical support. This is such a hard time for you, may God see you through.

{Onyango Outha Jauduny}

It is traumatizing to know your husband has impregnated your younger sister. Committing suicide is however not the best solution. Remember that your kids and sister need you more now than ever before. Seek guidance from a spiritual leader or counsellor. Lastly there’s no load too heavy or too much pain that God can’t intervene, surrender all to him and you will see a great difference.

{Edwin Biwott}

This is not the best position ever to be in but take heart Sophie and confront the two. Killing yourself won’t solve the problem either, take heart and talk to the right people. Let her safely deliver her kid, counsel her into positive living, live positively and take care of your children for as long as God still gives you life. What has happened is water gone under the bridge and whether you kill yourself for it will not reverse it.

{Tasma Charles}

The most important thing is to have her get tested to know if she is indeed HIV positive. However, it is important to forgive them both for what they did and know that HIV is not a death sentence. With the right diet and proper medication you can all live a normal life.

{Patrick Maina}

Counselor’s Take:

Suicide has never solved anything. As a matter of fact, it only makes things worse for those who are left behind. In addition to dealing with death, they are then left with the very problem that caused the death in the first place. If suicidal death solved the underlying problem then it may be a somewhat viable option but it does not and therefore it should not even be an option.

For your sister to speak out and point a finger at your husband, she is sure about what she is talking about and the fact of this matter is that your husband impregnated her and in the process may have infected her with HIV.

That is a delicate situation you have there and it can have serious implications thus it needs to be handled carefully. If she were to test positive and she establishes that he was aware of his HIV status before infecting her then this could easily became a bitter law suit that has dire legal consequences which include 15 years to life in prison (check the HIV and AIDS Prevention and Control Act, 2006). You don’t want this to go that way so you may want to handle this matter carefully.

Your sister is going to get tested anyway in the course of her pre-natal clinics. However, you may want to encourage her to get tested early so in the event she tests positive then she can be put on special care to protect the unborn child.

Then thereafter you may get a structured way of also bringing you and your husband into the picture and thereafter getting a way to deal with this. This matter will eventually emerge but the earlier it does the better it is for everyone.

On the other hand, your husband should not go scot free. He definitely owes her an apology for putting her in this predicament (especially if she tests positive). However, please take note that he only carries more guilt and responsibility on this matter as far as the HIV issue is concerned.

 She is just as much to blame as he is as they both went behind your back. As you think of a way of dealing with it, please bear in mind that they are both to blame as far as the betrayal is concerned. {Taurus}