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Why is my boyfriend taking so long to propose?

Relationships
 Photo; Courtesy

I have been in a relationship with this guy for three years. Our love has blossomed and we are happy. He has, however, not proposed to me despite the fact that he has been to my home several times and my family members like him. I think he is taking time to propose to me because I have a daughter from a previous relationship. I am sure he wants to marry me but he is scared because of my daughter. We are both ready for marriage but I need your advice on what I can do to get him to marry me. He could be thinking twice about our relationship and I don’t want him to leave me. {Nancy}

 

Your Take:

Nancy, patience does actually pay and he is indeed showing signs. He could have chosen to stay away from your family and keep the relationship a secret but is seems he has accepted things as they are. Why don’t you go ahead and propose to him?

{Aseri Dick}

If you accept yourself as you are then he will have no option but to reciprocate this. Remember, you cannot run away from your shadow and you cannot get rid of your daughter for his sake. Get to know the true opinion of your man about your status before you can decide on the next course of action. Remember there are many good men who may be ready to accept you as you are.

{Tasma Charles}

There is a difference between him wanting to be with you, and him wanting to commit to you. This has nothing to do with the child but the high expectations women place on men who show interest in them.

For a man, marriage is a responsibility so they take time before committing to it. It could also be that he is engaged in the process of self-exploration so be patient with him. Don’t force him or give an ultimatum and instead give yourself an ultimatum.

 Know when to exit the room if you figure the wait will be too long. You don’t have to stop being friends, but draw your boundaries and be upfront with him. Let him know that if he doesn’t know what he wants, then you will need to take your own measures to safeguard your heart.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

Men take time to propose to women who have children so it is up to you to make this happen. You have to convince him you have let go of your past and that it is him you want to be with not the father of your daughter.

Ask him why he seems not to be sure about your relationship and clarify on any issues he may have. If possible, let him know the father to your daughter. No man wants his wife’s ex-boyfriend knocking at the door to reclaim their children. Sort this out early.

{Fred Jausenge}

 

Counselor’s Take:

Nancy, when it comes to relationships and marriage, there are things that scare men out of their skins some of which comprise; one, proposing to a lady and two, proposing to a lady who has another man’s child or children. You seem rather certain that this man is in love with you – the signs are all right but I’m afraid your fears may also be right; he may be holding his horses over the young girl.

This is neither about you nor your daughter, it is about his family and family members. A man is created to accept anything that comes with a woman he loves. Your daughter may not necessarily be a big issue to him — as long as he is in love with you he can live with whatever you bring into the relationship. His main worries about the reaction of his family to him bringing home a woman who has another man’s child.

One thing about family members (especially the female ones) is that they have untold influence on the males in the family. They are known to have strong tsunami-like undertones that set the agenda in their families and to carefully scheme and work against a woman who is being introduced into the family but has children from another man.

Such schemes can be taken to great heights that may include getting a young woman for the man to marry as opposed to him taking “a woman who has been rejected from another family for only God knows which reasons” as they usually put it.

 For them to accept such a situation, it is usually a tough battle especially for the man who has to secure space for his woman in that family. It is something that is actually forced down people’s throats.

There may be some other stumbling blocks he has to deal with and the main one may be the girl’s real father. A man can easily raise another man’s child if they were assured that their efforts and sacrifices will not be lost someday.

Men have been known to raise other people’s children only for their fathers to show up asking for their children later in life. Because of this, he may always have to look over his shoulder.

Men prefer to take time to really think through marriage before making the step. Exercise some caution because any pressure from you towards getting him to marry you may have a counterproductive effect. Being that you are one ball down because of your situation, I urge you to play it safe. {Simon}

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