Discovering your partner is cheating is devastating and leaves the partner bleeding, hurting and in total anguish. For Jay, it turned his world upside out, he made no meaning to times and seasons and was engulfed with intense emotions of fear, anger, guilt, rejection and betrayal.

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After a series of affairs his wife decided enough is enough, the better option was to teach him a lesson by retaliation, after all who said she was not attractive enough to find herself a lover. “I set out to teach him a lesson, I had to get even!” she said. Jay suffered not only rejection but neglect and abandonment. For Jay’s wife, it was something she needed to do to get even.

Retaliation or revenge cheating is a common response upon discovering that a partner has extramarital affairs. Generally men often resort to domestic violence upon the discovery of their partner’s affair, or may choose to leave, women more often than not, resort to retaliatory affairs.

They feel justified and driven. In some cases, victims of infidelity go to great lengths to cheat with someone they know will totally devastate their partner, a best friend, colleague, family member, or a business rival of their spouse.

Many have ensured their partners find out about the retaliatory affair, even if it is to catch them red handed. It needs to hurt them just as much as it did me! According to them they want to teach them a lesson they never will forget. It is worth noting that the retaliation rarely achieves the intended purpose.

Retaliation affairs are extremely dangerous and instead destroys any relationship’s chances of recovery.

Instead of dealing with the cheating partner the couple ends up dealing with multiplied issues, which complicate the entire scenario. The outcome is usually fatal and leaves the offender more injured than before.

Reasons why you should not retaliate or even desire to get even;

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Retaliation affairs sabotage relationship recovery

When a partner discovers that they have been cheated upon and chooses to retaliate, it distracts the couple from handling the fundamental reasons for cheating in the first place.

When there has been an affair, the relationship is vulnerable and retaliation only complicates an already challenged relationship. This breeds mistrust as a result of deception and betrayal and causes the couple to drift further apart. Simply said it is adding fuel to the fire.

Retaliation affairs sabotage your individual recovery

After discovering that your partner has been cheating, one feels violated, disrespected and rejected. Seeking retaliation does not cure those emotions instead it accelerates the feelings with further emotions of guilt and emotional pain, making you feel worse for inflicting your partner with more pain. At this point, it is important to face your feelings individually or with a therapist. Not dealing with the pain is choosing to be in denial and only delays the healing process.

Retaliation affairs dent your image

Retaliating affairs are considered childish, a coping mechanism, retrogressive and beneficial to you, it is a way of getting back to your partner, acting out and really being childish about it. It reflects immaturity and does not do you any good, instead it destroys the trust foundations which you have built over the time of engagement.

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Retaliation sucks you into the blame game

Cheaters never take responsibility, instead they blame you for everything, and you are not caring enough, never available to meet their basic needs, no longer groom yourself, no longer approachable, no longer attractive and the list is endless.

This is not always the case but usually the person to blame is the victim partner who is innocent. Retaliation will only worsen the situation, of course, you are the problem, so they think, why give your partner the chance to point yet another finger.

Whatever you do, retaliation will never work, Frank Sinatra said “The best revenge is massive success.” Put your best foot forward and succeed in whatever you desire to.
Live, love and thrive because you deserve it.

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, ‘Marriage Built to Last.’ You can reach her on: www.jenniekarina.co.ke