Is it OK to smack children? Psychologist explains 7 factors parents may want to consider

In the debate about smacking your children, it's rare to meet anyone who sits on the fence.

Corporal punishment is an emotive subject, and one which is likely shaped by our own formative experiences. If we've not said it ourselves, most of us have heard someone else say: "well, I was given the odd the smack when I misbehaved."

Whether it's right to lift our hand to our children is hotly debated. Whether it's effective is a slightly different story.

A practising educational psychologist for over 30 years, Lynne Fry has worked and counselled parents with difficulties in behaviour management, talking them through a lot of different scenarios.

Lynne explains why we may want to consider an alternative to using smacking with our children .

1. The threat of any punishment - including violence - never works

This has no impact, no effect, nil - especially if the parent doesn't follow through with what they say they'll do.

"Children take no notice of threats or pleas because they hear them all the time."

Without advocating smacking, Lynne recommends following through with a punishment, and having a three-step plan in place: Going from a soft warning, to a firmer warning, up to showing your anger - then carrying out the punishment.

2. Acting up is a form of attention seeking

Because of her experience and the different situation she's counselled people through, Lynne does not condemn parents who at times have smacked their child, saying:

"It doesn't irreparably harm the child - If it's balanced with love and caring. "But a lot of what is goes on is attention-seeking. And when you smack a child, that's what they're getting - 100% of the parent's intense attention."

3. It’s a sign of weakness

Admitting she resorted to giving her son a smack once - something she regrets - Lynne explains: "It's too emotional a reaction.

"For example, if your child is swearing you need to think the whole thing through, and come up with a two-pronged approach and decide how you reward the appropriate behaviour while addressing their bad behaviour."

4. It's never going to build a good relationship

"If smacking as a punishment becomes commonplace, it can be damaging - and foster a desire for revenge as the child gets older.

5. It's a loss of control

Lynne suggests: "But if you have a plan, it takes all the emotion out of your reaction.

"Parents would come to me distraught, and together we came up with a plan to manage a child's expectations."

6. It's hard to know what's right

Despite being banned in Lynne's native New Zealand since 2009, she says it is prevalent in Western culture.

As for why this is, Lynne says: "We hit out of frustration, out of instantaneous anger and because we don't know what else to do.

"I've met a lot of parents who have done it, but didn't want to. There is a lot of conflicting advice and witnessing others do it means we sometimes carry on."

7. Are your guidelines clear?

Children can get confused by the constant stream of instructions they are issued with every day.

Lynne explains: "Parents don't give their children clear guidelines. In the debate about smacking your children , it's rare to meet anyone who sits on the fence.

Corporal punishment is an emotive subject, and one which is likely shaped by our own formative experiences. If we've not said it ourselves, most of us have heard someone else say: "well, I was given the odd the smack when I misbehaved."

Whether it's right to lift our hand to our children is hotly debated. Whether it's effective is a slightly different story.

Lynne explains why we may want to consider an alternative to using smacking with our children . "For example, if you say, 'Don't you think it's time to go to bed?' your child is likely to say 'no'.

"Or if something has spilled in the kitchen, saying 'I don't think it's a good idea to go over there' doesn't make things clear."

Lynne is an advocate of 1-2-3 Magic , a parenting guide which lays out a three step plan.

She also advises getting down to your child's level when telling them off, and maintaining eye contact with them - making them take notice of what you're saying.

"Speak softly, tell them their actions are unacceptable and here's what you're going to do about it.

Citing a study carried out in Australia, Lynne adds: "Children who ended up as well-adjusted adults were treated consistently, predictably and fairly in childhood