Dear Coleen: I'm pregnant and I think my husband's friend could be the father

Dear Coleen

I wrote to you some months ago about the stupid mistake I made, sleeping with my husband’s friend.

Things have got more complicated since then – I found out I’m five months pregnant.

I was very shocked – I have a skinny physique and I’m not showing at all. I went to the doctor and they said it was too late for a termination.

I love my husband so much – he is my best friend as well as my lover.

I made one mistake in the 10 years we’ve been together – I’m just not that kind of girl.

It’s almost like it wasn’t me doing it and I feel so guilty.

My husband and I have been trying for two years for a baby and if this baby isn’t his, it will destroy him.

His friend has no idea I’m pregnant and that it could be his.

I can’t stand him – every time I bump into him he gives me that look of, ‘Yep, I’ve had you!’

I don’t want him to be the father – he would be a terrible dad. He already has kids he never sees.

I want to come clean but if I do my husband, my family and friends will turn against me.

Please give me some advice.

Coleen says

You seem convinced the baby is your husband’s friend’s but the only way to know for sure is by doing a DNA test when the child is born.

My advice is, if you don’t sort this out now, it will be a very heavy burden. Even if you kept quiet, you’d always know and wonder.

We all get things wrong at some point in our lives and have to accept the consequences.

I don’t think everyone will turn against you – unless none of your friends and relatives has ever made a mistake. I doubt that very much.

If you really do love your hubby, that’s an even bigger reason to come clean, even if he leaves you.

I don’t think you’d be able to live with this secret and that would impact your relationship.

Also, give your husband some credit.

Naturally, he’ll be hurt and angry but when the dust has settled he might also accept how it happened and agree to find out who the father is when the baby is born and take things from there.

There were obviously reasons why you fell into someone else’s arms – maybe the stress of trying for a baby?

If he wants to work on your marriage, you have to talk about those reasons, so you don’t fall into the same trap again.