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Dear Coleen
I’m 26 and have been married for six months, although I have been with my husband just over nine years altogether.
He’s the only man I have ever had sex with. But he had nine other sexual partners before we met and a couple of years into our relationship when we split for about three months.
During that time I also went out a lot but never slept with anyone else, which is something I
now regret.
I love my husband to bits and I have no doubts he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I can’t help thinking I’ve missed out on some good times with other people.
I’ve talked to my husband about how I feel and he suggested I just go and do it with a stranger, which seems like a totally bizarre thing for him to suggest.
I don’t know what to do, but I do know that I want this nagging idea that I’ve missed out gone from my brain before we plan on having children.
Please help.
Coleen says
Maybe he’s hoping it’ll make you realise you haven’t missed out. On the surface, it seems he is being incredibly unselfish because he loves you and wants your relationship to last.
If this feeling you’ve missed out is holding you back from properly committing, then he’s giving you the green light to sample sex with someone different.
But a word of caution. It’s easy to say ‘sleep with someone else and get it out of your system’, but if you go ahead and do it, be prepared that he might not be able to handle it. That’s the risk you take. It might drive you apart.
It could be you’re just getting cold feet because you’re young and newly married. All I can say is you’re not really missing out. You’re lucky to have met someone you click with emotionally and sexually. Some women and men have loads of sexual partners and never find that with one of them.
You’ve found what lots people are searching for when they’re sleeping with different people. The bottom line is that it’s the same conclusion whoever you have sex with. And, if sex is good between you and your hubby, you’re not missing out on anything.
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