When your child keeps interrupting

When your child keeps interrupting

Why is it that your three or four-year-old thinks the world revolves just around her?

She will go like this: Mummy, mummy, Mummy! Look what I can do!’ she squeals as she hops on one leg. ‘

That’s very clever,’ you reply with a smile as you break off your very important conversation with the bank manager. ‘Mummy, Mummy! I can do it with the other leg, too!’ This time your smile wears off as you see your loan disappear in the horizon. ‘Mummy! I can sing at the same time!’...

It can be frustrating at this stage when your children barge their way into your every free moment with a ‘Look at me!’ or a ‘Guess what I can do.” Your child just doesn’t seem to realise that you have other interests - and problems you have to deal with - and can’t devote every waking moment to her. You may feel a bit guilty ignoring her, or even snapping at her, but you feel your life just isn’t your own.

This self-centeredness, however, is a natural and temporary part of your child’s development. You’re not bringing up an egotist, just someone who’s trying to establish her position in the world at large. For now, as far as she’s concerned, the world revolves around her. Through this ‘showing off’ she’s learning the social boundaries within which she’ll have to try to behave for the rest of her life.

By constantly drawing attention to herself she’s actually developing important social skills. She’ll eventually learn that there are good and bad times to interrupt you; that saying some things can hurt people’s feelings; and that, may be, once is enough when it comes to showing you her latest acrobatic feat.

Psychologists Dr Richard Woolfson outlines another reason why attention-seeking behaviour is important: “From the age of three, children begin mixing more with other children. It can be demoralizing to realise that other people are as good - or better - than they are at things when they’ve always regarded themselves as fabulous,” he explains. “More contact with peers means more self-comparison. By showing off, a child is actually trying to boost her own self-esteem. That’s why this kind of behaviour is so common at the age.”

Praise her efforts

Children adore praise and encouragement, so try to express genuine admiration as often as you can. Children usually know the difference between real and faked interest - 30 seconds of one-to-one interest will be more valued than half an hour of absent-minded nods and half-hearted smiles.

Rather than just saying: “Well done,” recognise exactly what your child has accomplished. Something as ‘simple’ as washing up a cup involves many complex actions for a small child. Let her know that you understand this by saying something like; “That’s very clever — you poured the water, put in the right amount of washing-up liquid, and made it really clean. You even dried it up. Well done!”

Remember to praise for effort as well as achievement, it takes practice for her to master even the simplest tasks, and it’s important to encourage your child in her attempts, even if they sometimes fail.

Set limits

You need to set ground rules whereby she gets the attention she needs when she needs it, but knows when to hold back. Try telling her: “I’m busy right now. Play with your toys, and I’ll come and watch you when I’m off the phone.” And don’t just give her attention when she’s playing up - praise her when she’s playing quietly, too.

How to keep your cool

If she’s asking continual meaningless questions such as “Why? Why?” tell her “I need to get this finished now. I’ll answer your question in a minute.” Don’t say “Because I told you so.”

If she is telling tell tales like, “My dad’s a police officer” tell her “sometimes it’s good fun to pretend.” But you shouldn’t say “Don’t be such a little liar.”

If she continues interrupting like, “Mummy! Mummy! Mummy!” tell her “Play with your toys until I’ve finished what I’m doing,” instead of “Shut up and give me some peace!”

If she is swearing, “Where’s my bloody teddy?” tell her “It’s best not to use that word because people may think badly of you.”