I’m friendly with my ex and my new girlfriend just hates it

I don’t want to get back with my ex-partner, but maybe my girlfriend thinks it’s all too cozy or sees her as a threat still?

Dear Coleen

I am a divorced father of two children aged two and four, and I look after them quite a lot.

Their mother had an affair pretty quickly after our youngest was born and we split up soon afterwards. Over this period, we have fallen into a routine way of communication.

She will get in touch with me when she hasn’t got the kids and ask for photographs of them.

While I have never asked for pictures when she had the children, she always sends them when they are with her.

Then, seven months ago, I got a new girlfriend and things are going well, apart from the fact she believes my ex is constantly interfering or having unnecessary contact with me.

I do see her point and feel that if the situation were reversed I would have something to say too.

However, on the flip side, all we’re doing is exchanging pictures of our children.

My girlfriend’s response to this was, “That would be understandable if you were still together”. My ex is still with the man she had the affair with and he seems to have no issues whatsoever.

I don’t want to get back with my ex-partner, but maybe my girlfriend thinks it’s all too cozy or sees her as a threat still?

What advice would you give?

Coleen says

To be honest, I don’t really see her point. I don’t think exchanging pictures of your kids is unreasonable at all and I think you have to be very careful about pandering to your girlfriend on this.

You have a mature and sensible relationship with your ex as far as the children go, and you’re only in touch when it’s appropriate.

If you were both texting each other to discuss things unrelated to your kids and popping round to each other’s houses all the time, then I’d say she had a point.

Don’t let the fear of losing your girlfriend spoil the relationship with your children and your ex. In a situation like yours, the well-being of the children has to come first – it’s a simple as that – they must not be used as pawns or weapons.

What your girlfriend needs to understand is that while you love her, your kids are your top priority.

She knew you had kids and an ex when she met you and, quite frankly, if she’s already finding it hard to deal sensibly with those issues, then I’d be wary of planning a future with her.

Good luck.