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How to find an emotionally healthy partner

Relationships By Allan Kimani

happy coupleEveryone operates within an emotional range. We have comfort zones when it comes to how happy, sad, angry or excited we get.

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In psychology, these are places within us which determine our mental and emotional highs and lows.

Some of us are calm, get excited easily, have high energy or low energy and so on. We are born with some of these traits and some we develop.

This is similar when it comes to relationships. Who we befriend and date is determined by the influence our family and friends have on us, what we have gone through in life and our own internal psychology.

This is how we develop the internal comfort zone, which guides who we befriend and what kind of relationship we have with them.

Emotionally healthy people are often a little bit boring to those who are not on their level. And those who are even healthier are invisible to those who are not as healthy.

That is why it is virtually impossible to be in a relationship with someone who is absolutely on a different level.

Under normal circumstances, such a person just won't do it for you. They might have all the supposedly correct ingredients but still lack a sense of something else. They will lack the X factor.

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The easiest way to get to where you want to be is to be that which you want to be. If you want an emotionally healthy partner, then be emotionally healthy.

As a woman, it is NOT as simple as finding a more mature older guy, as is usually the assumption.

But even as you try to be honest with yourself, be prepared to deal with resistance, from yourself and from others.

The process of growing into the person you want to be is a matter of personal fine tuning that apparently doesn't depend on what society says is wrong or right.

To achieve emotional health, you have to be honest with yourself and be willing to take the path less travelled. It takes maturity, self-sacrifice, setting boundaries, a willingness to embrace and grow through life.

You can see this in personalities of couples. Usually when the men are macho, the only women they draw in are seductresses. The addict will tend to end up with the codependent and the narcissist (a person who is vain and has a big ego) will need the borderline personality (one with unstable emotions).

All of the above are bound by low self-esteem. And these apply to most people. You have to be willing to look at your level of self-esteem in order to understand yourself.

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Who we befriend, and who we tend to date, for many, is matter of our conditioning and habit.

It is not easy to look within yourself and to try to lead the ideal life. It can be done but maybe only if you are willing to pay the price. Many are not.

Your soul-mate could be that foreigner, or white, or that Asian when you detest Asians in general or anyone from a different tribe.

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