How do I get the man of my dreams?

Hi Chris,

I’ve got to the point in my life where I’d like to be dating serious men. But I never seem to meet the sort of men who I could even imagine liking, let alone be serious with.

And even when I do spot a good-looking man, he never comes and talks to me. And the idea of me going up to a guy just feels wrong somehow.

My girlfriends don’t seem to have this problem, so what does it take to kick off the dating game? I feel as if I need a few extra skills to make things happen!

Finding Him

Chris says,

Hi Finding Him!

There are plenty of good men out there, so the skills you need are all about meeting them and initiating that first conversation. Start off by paying more attention to the men you meet through your work, professional associations and so on.

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And make sure you’re socialising in the right places. Not that you can’t hang out with your girlfriends, but you also have to be where the boys go! So start taking an interest in the sorts of things that men like doing. College courses, or sports, for example.

You also need to know that it’s women who lead the whole courtship process. A chancer will try his luck with anybody, of course. But a good man won’t come near you unless you make it clear that he’s welcome.

Convention says that it’s always the man who starts the conversation. But that will only happen if you first issue an invitation. And that’s all about eye contact.

So once you spot an interesting-looking guy, just glance at him from time to time. Sooner or later your eyes will meet. And if you find him even remotely attractive, you’ll feel a strong urge to look away when that happens.

Just make sure you look down, with a slightly embarrassed smile, maybe even briefly covering your mouth with your hand, because that’s the universal signal that a girl likes the look of a man.

After a second or two, catch his eye again, a little more enthusiastically. Unless he’s a complete wimp, he’s definitely going to approach you.

Just before he gets to you, you should move a tad. If you’ve changed your mind turn right away and he’ll go. But if you turn towards him and smile, he’ll start a conversation.

Just be courteous. Nothing personal. Open-ended questions that’ll take more than a few words to answer. Make sure your voice’s low and warm. And just chat as if you’re friends. Light and interested. Watch his body language to see how you’re getting on, and have fun!

Soon you’ll be finding out all about him, and starting to figure out whether or not he’s the man for you.

All the best,

Chris