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Dear ladies, please keep off your bestie's man

 Please stay away from your bestie's man (Photo: iStock)

There are two very important people in a woman’s life - at a certain age. When a woman is in an exclusive relationship or marriage, her parents and siblings might not be as close, because there are things she can’t share with them, or wouldn’t wish they heard.

These two VIPs in her life are of course her man and her bestie. She will introduce the two to each other, and make them free with each other, with or without her presence. Who wouldn’t want her two greatest persons to be best of friends? 

Men are sneaky and creepy. Men ruin friendships and bonds between girlfriends that have been around since childhood. That primary school deskie that you were with from Class Two in 1987 to Class Eight, you kept the friendship throughout high school and now you’re big women in your thirties, with husbands and kids, if you don’t sit well, your man might just break that relationship by a wink. Or a handshake. 

So why can’t we just stop making these strangers our friends? Well, he’s your bestie’s man. You have been to their house a thousand times, you even were among the bride’s maids during their wedding. Stop at that. Don’t be so comfortable with and around him, some comforts are poison. You shouldn’t talk to him anyhow, call him unnecessarily or request stuff from him without your girl’s knowledge or consent.

Flirting and getting uncomfortably cosy, chatting and giggling with a bestie’s person is betrayal. Some even plan secret dates and picnics, request and send money, and they would still term it harmless. Harmless? Unless you two were friends before he met your girl, what business do you even have having lunch and dinner dates with a man who is not your husband, not your boyfriend, friend or relative? How does it sit with you, that you spend hours in front of the mirror applying bags of foundation on your acne prone face, do pink lippie, wear stilettos and your tight little black dress, just to go look good for your girl’s man? Without her knowledge? Come on, Philegona!

See, a man will wink at you, or chat you up inappropriately so he sees how easy, available and accessible you can be, when he knows pretty well that you’re his woman’s bestie. He will suggest ‘harmless’ coffee dates or even booze dates, promising never to let your girl know that you two met. He will rub your palm suggestively over a handshake, squeeze your boobies against his six packed body and be really creepy and act silly, sending signals.

But one thing you can be sure of is, when Agatha becomes suspicious of anything fishy between you two, mama you’ll be the betrayer of the century. You seduced her bae into doing stuff, or, you’re actually the one sending signals, madam husband snatcher. Be safe and avoid being called names for accepting a friendship that will break a more concrete friendship.

We’re humans are bound to like or fall in love unexpectedly. Avoid. Getting very comfortable with and thinking all this is harmless will have you lynched. Don’t fall for such suggestive compliments and late dates if you value your friendship with your long-time girlfriend. It might get interesting because men handle rejection differently. He could just decide to bad mouth you to your bestie the way you’re hitting on him, how you’ve been making advances at him and the way you’re not a true friend. Dude doesn’t pay your bills, unless he does. He doesn’t fix your bathroom bulb. Doesn’t drop or pick your kids from school. Doesn’t give you orgasms - unless he does. But if all the above plus many more don’t apply in your lives, he is not worth it.

Resist. Refuse. Don’t put your girl in an awkward dilemma where she has to choose between her bae and you. Avoid any platform that would allow you to be easy with each other, meet or give way to disrespect.

If I were you, I wouldn’t even add them on any social media platforms.

So if they pop up at the ‘People you may Know’ window, block! You might just make a post about an issue, giving an option he doesn’t agree with, and this might bring a rift, or he might be cheeky and download the hot photo you posted in a bikini. So what happens when your girl sees it in his gallery? And the way men can be careless, so what will you tell people?

He called or texted you at 2:46am to complain about his woman on bla bla? Mute. Don’t say anything. He might be trying to get your attention and one thing will sure lead to another then another. He says bad things about her? That’s a trap! Stop him, you’re his woman’s friend, not his. And if anything, you’d be on her side, not his. You don’t know him apart from his name.

Setting boundaries can save friendships big time. Of course there are those ones that are close and have maintained respect for each other and their partners, but people can’t be trusted! We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of the Lord. Let’s just avoid trouble by staying away from our bestie’s partners.

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