I’ve written several articles about dating and I’m sure, at some point, you have agreed with me that dating in itself is such an extreme sport. From being contacted by fake people who only want to chew and flee, to the clueless Boaz, to the sweaty, boring Alphonce, to being ghosted and disappointed. These plus other potentially weird traits that you’d go back to your house and want to literally throw up. The dating scene is so much unpredictable nowadays.
Dating is not for the faint-hearted. It needs time. Sacrifice. Bravery and a whole load of adjectives because of the anxiety and passion that cums (pun intended) with it. When one is a single mum, this whole issue is an emotional roller coaster because it includes extra persons of interest in the relationship. Persons that are a part of her and that might influence the relationship either positively or otherwise.
Kids are a package that comes with curiosity and questions. Kids of 2023 are not as clueless and ‘respectable’ as they ought to be, or as we used to be when we were kids. Regardless of their age, a mother will have to have them in mind before she accepts that coffee date or a simple lunch date out of town. Like the current Internet catchphrase ‘men will embarrass you’, children too, if they decide to, can embarrass you badly!
Dating as a single mom can be tricky because a woman doesn’t really know if her kid(s) will accept and accommodate the person they’ve decided to date. Well, I’ve read on these streets women telling other women to ‘date for themselves and not for the kids’ but wait a minute, how would you, as a woman be comfortable with a person your children are not comfortable around? Because if it is a serious thing that might lead to a happily forever after, then what are you gonna do with the kids who don’t like your partner? Throw them away on a garbage lorry?
The time factor is something single mums find hard to keep up with. Like, they have time yes but need to divide their time and allocate for the kids, career, their sanity and time for their person. Someone who doesn’t really understand this will find it difficult to date a woman with a kid(s). I once cancelled a date at the 11th hour because my then-house girl dropped me a message that she had left. The baby was six and school-going. That was the last I heard from that man. Even after explaining to him what had happened. Ooh, well!
At some point, being single and a mother are two things that are already overwhelming to handle. Bills. Emotional twists and turns. Career. Kids - this is a wide topic because these little humans who don’t pay taxes are big manipulators. You’ll be there having your rough day because you had a very boring date, but little dude or little mummy wants you to listen to their fake stories and made-up lies. Sigh! Like, ma’am, excuse me! I don’t even have a person to listen to my heartbeat, where’re your manners lil Miss?
Getting a single mum to commit might be the biggest issue here because they’re always looking for a red flag. Even if the flag is blue or yellow, they’ll paint it red. Because of the mistake, they might have made in their initial dating lives, these babes will take some good time before they fully commit to a man.
Then there are those moments you get jokers. Serious jokers who might think dating a woman with a kid is doing her a huge favour and they will play around with her emotions. Some will pretend to love the kids just to get her attention then prepare her for the biggest character development. This is what makes such babes very sceptical about dating after a break up with the father of their kids.
- Why you need to teach your child independence
- What it means being a 'girl dad'
- Bad parenting: How to tell if a parent is controlling
- How to cope when children leave the nest
However, as a single mother, you need love and affection. You need tight hugs and cuddles and some hairy chest (sic) to lean on - forget shoulders! Being busy and a mum shouldn’t be a reason for you to always get home at 4pm and turn down all the dates eti because you have a four-year-old kababaa who must see you before they shower. Buana, that little kababaa of yours will one day have his own babe and you’ll be old and wrinkled and lonely. Once in a while, choose you. Kababa won’t die.
Hard and challenging as it might be, fix your minutes, hours, dates and go out there and have a time of your life. This might not necessarily be an exclusive date but just find happiness away from your children. They need you and you need your sanity to be around them.