There is a bunch of girlfriends who I hang out with, and lately, we have been arguing about whether relationships still matter. Especially now that women have so many opportunities in life. We also disagree about whether it is possible to have a happy marriage in today’s troubled times. We have all heard of couples who are struggling. Is marriage still a good idea, and how does one go about finding the right partner?
Hi, Happy Marriage!
I think relationships are the only thing that really matters in life. I also think that it is perfectly possible to have a happy marriage! The problem is that mostly we find our partners almost by accident, and so it is hardly surprising that couples are rarely a really good fit.
And that matters, because couples whose background, attitudes, principles and beliefs match are much more likely to have a successful marriage.
So start off by getting to know yourself better. Most of us never really ask ourselves why we behave the way we do. Especially when we are stressed. So think about your principles and beliefs. Your preferences and interests. What makes you angry. What do you expect marriage to be like. What motivates you.
Then you can go looking for a partner who has similar values and preferences to you.
And do not get married too soon! Have fun by all means, but do not think about marriage until you have become fully independent and developed a mature relationship with your parents. Because successful couples need to place each other’s feelings above all others. This means you are going to have to say no to your family quite a bit.
And what should you do once you have found your love? Well, above all, be committed to one another. Open, honest and faithful.
And it may sound politically incorrect, but a wife should give herself to her husband. He should be the most important thing in her life - even more than her children. And a man should love his wife more than he loves himself. And put her above his friends and his work. Each of their self-images develops so that they totally encompasses their partner. Single people can be utterly selfish, but successful couples see themselves in terms of their relationship, with shared ambitions and dreams.
And they protect their intimate lives from the demands of work and their children. Because lots of good sex is the best cement there is for holding relationships together. So never neglect your partner’s physical needs, through all of life’s disappointments and frustrations. Then, you will always be happy.
All the best,