x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×
BTV
VAS
DCX
RMS

Five healthy boundaries you should set in your relationships

Relationships - By Audrey Masitsa
Setting healthy boundaries early in the relationship can save you from heartbreak down the road (Photo: Shutterstock)

One of the lessons I learned and I wish I had learned earlier, is that there are conversations you need to have almost as soon as you start dating. Topics such as the boundaries you wish to have can save you from heartbreak down the road.

Every relationship needs healthy boundaries. These are simple dos and donts that you expect your partner to abide by. They could be as simple as how you expect them to communicate to whether or not your relationship is exclusive. Setting healthy relationship boundaries can determine the success or failure of your relationship.

Even as you enjoy the butterflies that materialize in your stomach at the sight of your new partner, consider talking about the following.

1. Your preferred communication style

I met a guy once who asked me what I preferred; calls or texts? I was so impressed by this. Up until then I hadn’t met anyone who bothered to find out my preferred communication style. This is very important information to give your partner. Tell them whether you like them to call or text, how often you need to hear from them, which pet names you like and which you don't, etc. This will ensure that nobody gets offended when their communication preferences aren’t met.

In the same vein, talk about if and how you will address your relationship on social media. Some people are comfortable bearing it all online while others would like to keep it off social media.

2. What to do during conflict

  1. READ MORE
  2. 1. Woman mortified after texting family groupchat about her 'hook up' by mistake
  3. 2. Men only: When a man bangs your woman
  4. 3. How holding a grudge is bad for you and how to let it go
  5. 4. Relationship deal breakers you shouldn’t tolerate

One question I like to ask anyone I’m seeing is how they want me to handle them when they’re upset. Disagreements are inevitable and so, you need to know whether your partner needs time alone when they’re angry or they prefer to hash out your disagreement there and then. Communicate this clearly, preferably before you have your first fight, so that you know what is expected of you.

Talk about your expectations as far as intimacy is concerned (Photo: Shutterstock)

3. The type of commitment you want

To avoid any misunderstandings, clearly state what you expect as far as your relationship is concerned. Will you be exclusive or would you like an open relationship?

As you talk about commitment remember that you can’t change your partner. Even if you’ve clicked and you want different things from the relationship, it won’t end well. Be strong enough to let go if your expectations as far as commitment is concerned are too varied.

4. Intimacy

It’s very important to set sexual boundaries. Tell your partner what you like and don’t like in the bedroom, how often you’re comfortable having sex, what level of intimacy you like on a first date or in public and when you’re alone, etc. Do you mind holding hands while you’re out and about? Are you a chronic hugger?

A partner who won’t respect these boundaries or tries to coerce you to break them even when you try to remain adamant risks becoming abusive. This is a relationship red flag and you need to run.

5. Personal space

Tell your partner when you need personal space and what you require from them during this time. Do you need a few minutes alone when you wake up in the morning or do you like some quiet time when you come in from work? Will you share your ATM pin and passwords or not? If you have a journal, how will you feel if your partner reads it?

These are just a few examples on boundaries you should set early on in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel your partner is crossing your boundaries and making you uncomfortable. And remember, some boundaries can be negotiated such that you’re both happy and on the same page.

Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Support independent journalism
×
Log in
Support independent journalism
Create an account    Forgot Password
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in