I feel bad this boy has to pay for the sins of my lover

I am 31, based in Nairobi and I work as a kindergarten teacher. For about two years, I have been in love with a man whose son is in my class. Initially, he made it clear that even though he loved me, he would never leave his wife for me, which was acceptable. Somewhere along the way, he convinced me that he wanted to marry me as a second wife but only after his child left my school. I am five months pregnant and I only told him last month since I thought he would ask me to terminate it if I told him earlier. Now he wants nothing to do with me. He does not pick nor return my calls and this is making me feel so bad. Sometimes I can’t help but take these feelings out on his son in class and I feel very bad about this. What can I do in this situation? He said he loved me and wanted to marry me but this is not what his actions are saying. I am confused and need advice urgently. {Joyce}

Your Take:

The man has simply implemented what he had prepared you for. When you come across a married man and you befriend him, the risks are obvious. He said he would only marry you once his son is out of your school so he has committed no mistake so far, and you know this as well.

Now that silence has communicated this loud, why do you continue frustrating yourself by following him? Cast your net wider, treat his son like you treat all the other pupils and in the next relationship be wiser.

{Tasma Charles}

Joyce you are chasing three birds with one stone and these may come back to haunt you and could ruin your life and career. Your unborn child is innocent and so is the other boy. Even though you are pregnant, this man will never marry you.

He only said he would get you to sleep with him. Discuss this matter with him and come up with a maintenance plan for the unborn child either through the children’s court, children’s office or the local administration. Be care full with men.

{Onyango Outha –Jauduny}

Joyce, if that guy really loves you, he should show some form of commitment towards you. Do not try and terminate the pregnancy but accept it as your child and learn to live with the condition.

{Bernard Mutai}

Joyce, it is unfortunate what you are going through. Sometimes we tend to assume things are OK even where we may have taken a wrong turn. He was never serious with that issue about marrying you. He only promised you heaven while you are still part of the universe. What remains for you is to pick your pieces and move on. You had a life before you met him and definitely you will have a life thereafter.

{Ouma Rangumo – Sifuyo}

Counselor’s Take:

Joyce, this is a tough situation to be in. Clearly, he knows how you must be feeling about this and I believe he is also aware of the risk to his son. Essentially, you are that boy's step mother and that explains why you may have certain ill feelings towards him (also considering how he is treating you now).

He needs to take responsibility for his actions and support you through this process albeit financially. Pregnancy is a difficult thing to go through alone. That child is going to need a daddy in his life and in the absence of another man, he had better prepare to do just that.

 In some situations one has to stand up for what they deserve and this is one of those; you can assure him of confidentiality about this whole issue if he plays his part and takes part of the responsibility. Otherwise, you may as well come out in the open and explore legal channels to secure child support which is definitely going to be much harder for him and his family.

The young boy is innocent and defenseless in all this. He need not suffer for his father's mistakes so exercise extra caution when dealing with him. If anything, I would encourage you to maintain only essential contact with him and that you let another teacher handle him directly.

This matter is better handled in utmost confidence for the sake of all who are involved. Were this to get out, you will be labelled as the teacher who had illicit affairs with parents. This predicament also has ethical considerations with regard to the profession.  {Taurus}