Is he choosing his boys over you? Don't fret, here's how to handle it

Feeling lonely this Christmas season? You are not alone. In the midst of all the celebrations, Christmas carols, exchange of love and gifts, many individuals experience extreme feelings of loneliness, fear, disappointment and anxiety.

While one might experience a level of loneliness as a result of their circumstances, rest in the knowledge that this does not have to be the case. Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness, isolated and separation from others.

It includes feelings of intense deprivation, fear, pain, and isolation. Many individuals feel alone even in the midst of loved ones. This season is marked by expressing love, through word and deed, with loved ones, particularly family.

Mike, who is experiencing loneliness had this to say; "It's been horrible since my wife of 20 years divorced me. Because of my behavior, I lost a job I loved and I have never recovered. Every Christmas Season is a reminder of my losses.

"As I drove home listening to Christmas music on the radio, I was engulfed with deep pain of abandonment and loss, fear and extremely loneliness, I never realised that three years later, I had not found healing. I must admit that Christmas Season is a lonely time for me."

Christmas is an emotional season for those who have lost their loved ones. For others who are within families but are not happy, it is also a challenge where one is lonely even in a relationship, feeling alone and misunderstood and possible suffering from rejection.

Many people confess that they feel lonely within their marriages particularly during the festive season. According to Brenda, she has to contend with intense loneliness every Christmas season. While Christmas is a time for family, her partner is never available and comes home late after spending the evening with his buddies, totally unconcerned about her.

All he brings home are party hats, and a wasted body that smells of smoke! The children already left home and the empty nest experience overwhelms her each year. While they send money home, she misses them greatly and nothing can compensate for their absence.

"My husband is never home, always with his friends or working. He comes home in the wee hours, having over indulged, does not care about me at all. I no longer accompany him to visit his family in the village because when we get there, he goes to the shopping centre to connect with his former school mates, uncles, cousins and returns very late. What's the point of going home for Christmas? she asked, looking intently at me to provide a solution.

Although one would expect marriages to protect individuals from the loneliness, this is not the case. A psychology professor had this to say: I know of no more potent killer than loneliness and isolation, it has destructive influence on physiological and psychological health, destroying relationships. Progressive loneliness leads to depression, paranoia, schizophrenia and suicide.

Loneliness distorts an individual's world view and their perception of love and attachment. Disappointment, unmet expectations, anger, frustration and resentment cause the persons to protect themselves from further emotional hurt and therefore become extremely sensitive.

Life offers daily choices, happiness, isolation and loneliness. The choices one makes have drastic effects on our relationships.

Allow me to make some suggestions on some choices that can significantly change your life in order to live, love and thrive!

1. Address unresolved issues regardless of depth and period.

2. Seek professional help where necessary

3. Bury the hatchet and choose forgiveness

4. Avoid holding grudges and resentment as they hold you captive.

5. Don't allow isolation to take up centre stage in your life, purpose to find a life.

6. Seek to learn a new skill

7. Have a plan and follow through

8. Keep in touch with friends and loved ones

9. Seek God diligently

10. Reinvent yourself