Moving house, starting over

You met Carol when she moved to your flat over a year ago. Against good judgment, you started dating her and you are now married. Few neighbours understood what happened.

All they know is that as soon as she moved in, you guys were dating, or at least living together.

Now time has come for you to move from your beloved flat. You had been living there for six years now, but trust a woman to make a man do what he never wanted to do in life.

With the many bulky wedding gifts and the children, you definitely need a bigger house.

The first thing you learn when moving house with a wife is that her needs come first.

Everything is centered around her life and work. Carol works somewhere along Ngong Road. So, you move to Ngong Road at a terrible time - when they are expanding the road.

But Carol likes the neighborhood, the ease of shopping and many good schools nearby. She doesn’t care if you work on Mombasa Road.

In fact, you learn that you don’t have many rights about selecting the house. Women rule. Your role is just to approve her suggestions; in which case she only needs a YES from you.

Life changed pretty fast after the wedding. Suddenly, all the single women at the office respect you, even as some try to flirt with you to see if you are a changed man or the same ol’ same ol’.

Of course, you find the wedding ring to be a tad exasperating. It repels other women as much as it attracts them. Even your boys have not only accorded you the respect you deserve but they avoid you altogether.

It is a pretty lonely experience. Twice you have made it home late, Carol has suddenly adopted a quarrelsome attitude, in a motherly way. She now wants you to eat at home, or you will piss her off. What is life?

Adjusting to married life is an arduous task. The last two weekends, you have been forced to be at home, forego your favourite team’s match to sit with her relatives.

And you don’t know how to deal with her aunts. Quite a talkative lot.

So, you are forced sit with them, watching some gospel song and engaging in some small talk. And you suck at small talk. But you can’t leave home without being seen as misanthropic.

All women like to be known for having married the coolest men. No woman wants her relatives to think that she married a terrible human being. Doesn’t matter if her relatives are insufferable.

Women get very comfortable in marriage. The house now is full of Carol. Her stuff, her colors, her scents, her food. You have been reduced to a footnote.

Even worse, your friends are not so welcome to the house. Carol inspires some terror in them. You have heard it in the family rumor mill that Carol is inhospitable.

You need to talk to Carol about her attitude.