Why is it that I keep attracting married men?

For the past five years or so, I have found myself attracting married men or men who have kids but who claim to have parted ways with the mother of their children. I never go out looking for married men in terms of them being my sponsors because I am partially stable (financially) and I take care of my own bills and have invested here and there.

I am 25 years old but I don't have a man to call boyfriend or fiancée. I feel that it is now time to be in a serious relationship and to have a family of my own and not with a married man or one who already has children. Unfortunately I just keep attracting married men. Please advise me. {Lillian}

Lillian, I hope you are not practising to be a home breaker. You cannot also be sure that you are the only woman in these men’s lives. Stop moving around with other people’s husbands else you will be beaten or murdered by their wives. How would you feel if you found out that another woman was dating your husband or boyfriend? It is not right to continue breaking people’s homes and you may cause others a lot of heartache or even broken marriages.

{Onyango Outha}

At your age, it may not be abnormal that you often attract married men. You may be casting your net a little too wide or in places where only married men are available. Try and look for a man who you may call your own as these are the only ones you will be able to settle down with. This will require a lot of patience and maybe even new approaches to dating.

{Tasma Saka}

Patience is always the key to any good thing that comes our way. Remain calm and composed for the time is coming. It could be that the married men form most of your companions or colleagues at work or in your social circles. Do not be in a hurry to get into relationships with just about anyone. My prayer is for you to remain calm and relaxed as young single Romeo is just about to knock your door.

{Ouma Ragumo}

This is simple arithmetic, stop being insecure and find yourself a single straight man. There are places you can find such men and they include churches, weddings and other social gatherings in which single men don’t go near unless you are willing to play second fiddle. If you continue on the path you are on, you will one day get tired of always playing the other woman so do yourself a favour and get a man of your own. Married men will never leave their wives.

{Andrew Chaplin}

Married men or unmarried men (if you like) will always hit on young ladies like you but only if you allow them to. I am sure that there are many single men out there who can deliver whatever it is that you are looking for. They are everywhere and you just have to open your eyes wide open. At 25 you need not share a man with another woman. You need a man of your own. {Fred Jausenge}

Counsellor's take:

This is becoming a rather common phenomenon where ladies are increasingly finding themselves either attracting or actually dating married men as opposed to the conventional single-lady-single-man set-up. There are many factors that could be contributing to this and they include your social places, the kind of men you are attracted in terms of social and financial status, the way you portray yourself to them and a host of other factors. Particularly if you prefer more mature and better established men then you are most likely to find more married than single men in your way.

You may also be much obliged to know that this common occurrence is a demand and supply thing where there are just as many married men who are looking for young girls. Similarly there are many and maybe even more young and /or single women who are looking for mature married men to sustain them financially in exchange of sexual favours. So there is a demand for this from both sides. This is what keeps these arrangements alive and thriving.

If you are looking for a serious relationship as you say then you may need to change your preference to have a shot at getting what you want. You are likely to find the kind of man you are looking for in the age 25 – 28 age bracket. Most men and this is almost 100% of all men above 29 and are single will have either one or several skeletons in the closet. They may even lie in the beginning that they are single only for you to find out later that they are only after a little fun on the side or will have a child or children with a woman or several women that they ought to be taking care of.

You put it right by saying that you keep attracting married men. Essentially, this is as a result of something you do that you have to change to get different result. This could be your preference in age, status or character. If you accepted to date younger who you will find may not be as established as the older /more mature men then you may find a life partner there. You may also want to have it in your mind that they may not be as established as you are so there may be need to tone down on your expectations. Lastly, you have to put it in your mind that dating married men is a NO-NO. This will provide a standard and a filter that could insulate you from such relationships.

{Taurus}