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In the last couple of weeks, we have discussed communicating in your partner’s language of love; affirmation, gifts, quality time, and touch.
According to Dr Gary Chapman, author of ‘The Five Love Languages’, everyone is born with the ability to show and receive emotional love in five different ways, but we all tend to prefer one way the most.
It is your responsibility to identify your partner’s love language and aspire to communicate the same effectively.
This week we’re looking at yet another language of love, “acts of service”.
This is love communicated to your partner by doing something that they greatly appreciate, like cooking a meal; and yes serving it in style, or helping with the children’s homework; or helping with various responsibilities that make your partner acknowledge that you have made an effort and they like it. If acts of service are your spouse’s primary love language, nothing speaks as loudly as acts of service.
Joyce is a young wife who was keen to invest in her relationship and went out of her way to please her husband Jim. She affirmed him, gifted him, spent quality time with him but he was miserable, their marriage was challenged.
According to Jim, his wife is untidy, does not manage the affairs of the house properly, never cooks good food and does not help the children with their homework. Her husband Jim was giving up and ready to end the relationship of two years. He would say, ‘My wife is simply lazy and she does not listen!’
Clearly Jim only understands acts of service as his primary love language and unless Joyce communicates in that language, he does not feel loved. How then should she communicate to show love through acts of service?
In time, Joyce recognised that her husband’s love language is acts of service. “It took me a while to accept and appreciate this because it is not my love language. I have had to be purposeful about doing acts of service in the beginning but now it comes more naturally for me. This has greatly enriched our relationship and we are no longer in constant conflict.”
What are some creative ways that you can speak acts of service to your loved one?
1. Respect boundaries: Have ground rules and boundaries clearly articulated. When boundaries or rules are violated, your partner feels taken advantage of, and completely unappreciated.
2. Seek opportunities: Welcome your partner home and help him with briefcase or other personal items like the jacket or whatever he may have in the car. Do not make a big deal if he is not tidy, choose to go out of your way to do what needs to be done as opposed to complaining and making it an issue. Start small and do the unexpected random act of service. Do not sweat the small stuff.
3. Be appreciative: When you need to affirm, please do so for any act that that is done to you; the principle here is you reap what you sow. When your partner’s love language is acts of service, they will go out of their way to serve you, take the cue and ensure you provide it in double measure.
4. Remember: Your partner does not know how you spent your day, how tired or mentally challenged you are. Nobody wants to come home to a habitually tired, irritable and angry wife. Re-energise, rejoice, sing songs of praise and serve him with energy and zeal. Home is his palace, let him reign!
The writer is a relationship coach and author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke
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