My affair with my boss is hurting my work.

I work for a leading beverage manufacturer as a personal secretary to this wonderful man. We have been having an affair for about a year. I know this is wrong and I have seen it affect our working relations and somehow, I think we both want to end it but don’t know how. For example, when I do something wrong, he finds it hard to correct me and this has got him into trouble many times. I want what is best for us because we both need our jobs, but I really do not know how to end this. Like I said, he has also realized how bad the situation is, but I think he is scared of hurting me.

Your Take:

Love is a natural feeling. However, whether or not we accept, some instances are wrong. Having a relationship with your boss is wrong, so you need to end it immediately.  The way things are going, both of you may end up jobless.

Think again now that you know what is causing him friction at his work place, and save him his job and dignity. If you want to keep the relationship, it is wise you get another job.

{Ouma Ragumo, Sifuyo}

Loraine, I think you are both to blame for this situation. Start off the discussion yourself and try to end the relationship. If you manage, then your friendship will continue. It is time to quit while you are still ahead. Remember surrender does not mean defeat.

{June Su}

The worst thing about your situation is that you lack the zeal and courage to face it. For the sake of both your careers, initiate a talk with him and try to end the relationship. In future, try and avoid office affairs as they compromise on the quality of the outputs and performance and can bring about deep divisions between people.

{Munyao Steve}

Loraine, workplace romances present a threat to organizational effectiveness through their negative effects on participants and co-workers. Sometimes it may be positive and enhance effectiveness, but pointing to your concern, it is doing more harm than good to both of you.

 What you have is hierarchical romance (where one participant directly reports to the other.)  To be on the safe side, find out what your company policy on romance and such issues is. Otherwise, one of you might be fired.

{Makari Elly, Butere}

Office romances rarely work. You have already put him in trouble and cannot keep it a secret for long. When it comes out it will definitely be taken as  a case of sexual harassment and many things could go bad as a result.

{Andrew D Chaplin}

Counselor’s Take:

This situation is just as difficult for him as it is for you. First, there is the breach of trust and a situation of misconduct on his part to engage sexually with an employee who reports directly to him. This can get anybody in a lot of trouble because it is always taken that you were coerced into the relationship and had no option of saying no.

 Most companies discourage employees from getting into romantic relationships especially for those working directly with each other. In instances where it is allowed and where the relationship is genuine, the employees are encouraged to disclose to HR what is cooking so that management can set measures to ensure that work flows smoothly.

Second, I have a feeling that this man may be married. This was therefore an illicit relationship based on lust. It is difficult for people to work together when they are sexually involved but people have fallen into this trap and come out of it.

It however takes a lot of mutual trust and support to get things back on track. This can only happen if a definite process is initiated to resolve this issue once and for all. To support the process, this matter should never come up from then henceforth. Everything that happened in the past should be left to the past. Assure him that regardless of how things go, you will never use this against him.

The best solution to this mess if you can end this affair with immediate effect. {Taurus}