How to help your shy child get out of their shell

If your child is shy, build their confidence by praising their accomplishments (Photo: Shutterstock)

Kids are generally very outgoing. They seem to make friends so effortlessly that it can put us adults to shame. Nevertheless, every once in a while you come across a child who has trouble connecting with newcomers. They could even show signs of social anxiety in some settings and not in others.

If you’re worried about your child’s shyness and want to help them get out of their shell read on.

1. Lead by example

Children tend to mirror their parent’s behaviour. One way to help a child overcome their shyness is by showing them what they can do in social situations. For example, have friends over or when you go out to meet friends go with your child, so that they can see how you interact with others. Say hello to the cashier while at the supermarket or the security guard at your gate. When your child sees that you make an effort to talk to people, they might do the same. Be sure they have understood the difference between politeness and when they shouldn’t interact with strangers.

2. Encourage them to focus on one person at a time

If, when in a group situation, you notice that your child is struggling a bit, encourage them to focus on one person at a time. It can be intimidating to deal with a whole group of people therefore focusing on making a connection with one individual can reduce their anxiety.

3. Praise them

There’s nothing like a little praise to boost your self-esteem. The same applies to your child. They might be struggling with their confidence, especially if they’re introverted, wishing that they could be as outgoing as their peers. Help them out by pointing out their strengths, for instance, how generous they are for sharing their treat or how well they played. This will boost their confidence and they’ll want to do the same, if not more, next time.

Help them to come up with a plan of action for when they're among newcomers (Photo: Shutterstock)

4. Sign them up for activities

This is especially important for kids who don’t have siblings. We all need social interaction and as hard as you try, you might not be enough of an interaction for your child. So if there are no children in your neighbourhood that they can play with, sign them up for activities where they get a chance to socialise.

5. Practice beforehand

Come up with a plan of action where you practice opening lines and topics your child can start with when they meet new people. These could be their favourite sport, a new toy they got (this can be an opportunity to invite the other child to play with said toy) or a place they have visited. Encourage them to invite their new mate to share their favourites and experiences and in that way, they’ll start up a conversation without stressing too much about it.

6. Let them lead the way

As a parent, there are times you want to push your child harder or you go out of your way to help them out when really you should just let them figure things out for themselves. This helps them feel competent and builds their confidence. Start by letting them do age-appropriate chores like making their bed and picking out their outfit for the day. When you go out, let them choose when they’re comfortable to leave your side to play with the other kids.