From spiritual to behavioral, here's how to solve the compatibility dilemma

Most single men and women have a list of certain qualities they expect their perfect mates to posses. They may range from family background, physical looks, socio-economic status, spiritual depth and life’s purpose.

Physical compatibility is when a couple is comfortable with each other’s’ physical appearance. We have an inner script that defines our perception of beauty and handsomeness. While tall and dark may resonate with you, short and generous might be another woman’s cup of tea.

However, physical aspects such as weight, the color of the hair and so forth is subject to the ageing process and lifestyle choices.

However, tall or short, tan or chocolate is a constant. The true test of physical compatibility is that you can introduce him/her in public places, and you are at ease with traits in him that you cannot change.

Emotional compatibility has to do with comfort level with his temperament, dealing with extremes of anger, stress and not touchy. If your partner angers easily, is conflict-ridden or combative, this should raise a red flag that could indicate emotional incompatibility.

If your partner is consistently verbally abusive or shows signs of aggressive behavior, for example if he breaks your smart phone on a date, you need to step back and ask yourself whether he is acting out of some undue pressure or if it is his personality.

You need to be open about unhealthy emotions that can prove to be destructive later in marriage.

However, emotional accountability can be achieved if your partner agrees to attend anger management or classes, counselling or chooses better ways to cope with stress.

Beware if your partner is argumentative, always believes in being right and does not compromise. Most divorces result from indifference, being defensive and infidelity. A key test for this is if you fight fair, agree and sometimes agree to disagree.

Intellectual compatibility has to do with cognitive congruence between the two of you. It may not necessarily mean same level of education. It implies that you can engage on a discussion at the same wave length, can understand each other’s’ perspective.

Intellectual compatibility has to do with comfort levels with his learning style, how he articulates and presents his thoughts and so forth.

If you ever consider your fiancée to be lower intellectually than you are, there is a risk of you invalidating him. He will not epitomize male leadership that can inspire your following. You will always want a second opinion. A key test for this is if you consider him to be smart and esteem his judgment.

Spiritual compatibility has to do with harmony in your convictions about God, beliefs, values and your world view. If your view is monogamy and he is for polygamy and you marry him, then you have agreed to the possibility of sharing him.