Why families are drifting apart and how to bring back the bond

There was a time when homecomings meant something. When the sight of a returning loved one could light up a whole house, and the kitchen would burst alive with laughter, stories and the rhythm of clinking sufurias. Families gathered without the need for planning or reminders. Conversations stretched into the night, children played without distraction, and screens sat silent in the background. The sound of belonging was enough. Even the occasional argument or teasing moment only added to the warmth. That was when love lived loudly in the home.

But the world began to move faster. Work, education and survival scattered families across towns and cities. Children left home for schools far away, parents took jobs miles from their loved ones, and the small rituals that once kept families close began to fade. The Sunday lunches, the evening teas, the random visits became rarer. Even when families found time to gather, something had changed. The phone had taken a seat at the table. Instead of conversation, silence filled the room as each person scrolled through their own world. Togetherness, once so natural, began to slip quietly away.

Mureithi Brighton, a young civil engineer from Embu now living in Nairobi, admits that his family does not feel as close as it once did. His job has taken him far from home, and though he visits a few times a year for birthdays or unplanned gatherings, distance has stretched the bond. Yet he tries to keep it alive. He speaks with his parents every week, and his family WhatsApp group thrives with shared photos, updates and jokes. Even his brother and sister in law, who live far away, join the chats. It is a connection, yes, but not quite the same as sitting together under the same roof.

Family therapist Allein Kiogora believes that what is fading is not love, but presence. “Most families still care deeply for one another,” she says, “but life has become too crowded. Everyone is busy getting their life together. The emotional distance often grows, not because people stop loving, but because they stop noticing.” She explains that togetherness is more than proximity; it is emotional engagement, the small gestures that say I see you and you matter to me. When families lose that, they also lose a sense of grounding. “Belonging,” she says, “is what keeps us emotionally well. It protects our mental health, helps us cope with stress, and shapes how we see ourselves in the world.”

Technology, while useful, has made things complicated. It keeps us connected across distance but divided within reach. “Families sit together but exist separately,” Kiogora says. “The phone has become the new wall between people.” She explains that many parents and children alike suffer from what psychologists call emotional drift, being physically together but mentally absent. “It begins innocently, a quick check on the phone, a short reply, then slowly, silence replaces talk. Before long, the habit becomes normal.”

But as Kiogora points out, families do not always break from conflict. Sometimes, they break from habit, from the slow erosion that happens when everyone assumes there will always be time. Yet all is not lost. She believes that closeness can be rebuilt if families make the effort to be intentional. “Togetherness is not about perfection; it is about attention,” she says. She encourages families to bring back the small rituals that once held them together: shared meals, simple conversations, or weekend visits. “Traditions are emotional anchors,” she adds. “They remind us where we belong.”

While reconnecting, Kiogora urges families to be fully present. “When you finally meet, be there. Put away the phone and listen. Be part of the moment.” She also emphasises the importance of forgiveness. “Every family has its history, some more painful than others. Holding on to resentment keeps the bond weak. Forgiveness is not about forgetting; it is about freeing the heart to reconnect.”

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And while doing so, she says, it helps to release expectations. “Sometimes the picture of what we wish our family to be stops us from seeing what it already is. Let people show love in their own way.” She adds that discovering new ways to reconnect, starting new traditions, celebrating small wins, or simply showing up can breathe life back into family ties.

In the end, families do not lose their bond overnight. It fades quietly, hidden beneath the noise of modern life. But the same way it slips away, it can also return, through small, deliberate choices. A phone call made without distraction. A meal shared without screens. A question was asked and truly listened to. The bond that once filled homes with laughter still lives, waiting to be rekindled.