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Can I marry my brother's baby mama?


This week’s topic

I am 20 and the last born in our family. I am dating a lady with whom we are planning to get married. Unfortunately, she has a child with my elder brother who is a police officer but they separated and he married another woman. He does not know about us yet and I am afraid of informing him about this. We are really in love but this has put us under a lot of tension. I need your advice.


Your take

The lady is still your brother’s wife so if you don’t want to take a bullet then do the right thing. Leave that woman alone.

{Pastor Ben Shikuku}


If you are serious about this then let him know and get his views about it. Include your parents in this discussion and they may help you get an alternative solution. You may love her but she has strong links with your brother — that child. Talk to your brother and hear what he has to say about the issue. Tread carefully.

{Ratemo Brown}


Mike, do you know why your brother left this woman? What if he realised that you are together and thinks that you were having an affair even when they were dating? Out of respect for you brother and family members, leave this woman and get another one who will please you. She is just using you to shame your brother.

{Onyango Outha, Jauduny}


Going ahead with this relationship will be one big mistake. This woman had a child with your brother and that should be reason enough for you to keep off.  And has it crossed your mind that these two could still be in love and may get back together someday. How will you handle that? Take your time and look around a little longer. After all you don’t know why he left her, do you? This could be poison coated as sugar.

{Tasma Charles}


Mike, for the sake of your entire family, quit this relationship for good. You don’t know why these two separated. What if you go ahead with your plans then along the way you realise the woman has a problem and that is why your brother left her.

You need to treat carefully on this matter or else you will jump from the frying pan into the fire.  

{Dr John Mogeni}


I have an interesting explantion. maybe this lady is doing this to get back at your brother and to embarrass him the way he embarrassed her when he left her. You are still very young and you can get another girl who has no complicated issues. Take your time in your search.

{Gilbert Langat}


Your character is wanting! What you are doing will only bring shame to you family and hatred between you and your brother. You will only drag the innocent child into a dilemma of wondering who he should call dad.

{Benson Azaliza Indimuli}

Counsellor’s take

Mike, I do not think you are in love with this woman.

What you feel for her is pity and you are trying to solve your brother’s problem. This matter will only bring tension and resentment between you and him therefore consider terminating this relationship as soon as possible. If there was no child involved, maybe the situation would have been different.

You are young and it is not yet time for you to get into serious relationships like marriage.

This is your time to establish a good foundation for your future.

It is your time to explore, meet new friends, mingle freely without making a serious commitment.

Direct your energies on your studies and how to improve your lifestyle.

Last, you really don’t want to get on the wrong side of your elder brother and more so because of a woman. From whatever angle you look at it, it’s not worth it.


In the next issue

My mum is having an affair. I was taking some photos using her phone and when I went to the gallery I found pictures of her in bed with another man. I because curious and on checking her WhatsApp I realised that the guy (she introduced him to me as a workmate) is saved as a lady but with very funny messages to her. My dad is born again and I am so hurt by this. She knows that I found out but she has not raised it with me. I am only 22 and I am confused and hurt. I think dad deserves to know the truth. What should I do?  {Miriam}

Photo: www.supermama.lt

Dear readers, this column appreciates that no one has all the right answers and, therefore, seeks to get your feedback on the issues raised for discussion. Next week, we will publish your comments and advice. Kindly send them to: [email protected]

You are invited to send your CONFESSION for discussion in this forum before TUESDAY.


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