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Angry musings of a bisexual woman: What does my business concern you?

Lady Speak

As a bisexual woman, the ‘queerness’ of my sexual orientation is often questioned. As a woman who likes both men and women, it’s perceived as though I’m ‘straight’ with a freakish side. Far from it. I’m not attracted to people’s genitals, neither do I really care whether they have a penis or vagina, but I’m more interested in their character and personality. Sex is thus a bonus, not a condition.

My recent encounter with a homophobe at the workplace reminded me of the double standards that exist in an allegedly ‘conservative’ country such as Kenya when it comes to sexual orientation: it’s ok for women to be gay or whatever because it’s “sexy” whereas for a man to be homosexual it’s demonic, wrong and unmanly. Why? Why do men care so much about the intimate relations between other men? I get the impression a lot of Kenyans, for one, do not get accurate or enough sex education and are thus on an eternal quest to understand sexuality; secondly, the patriarchal mentality of most is akin to that of Victorian England. Statistically speaking, most homophobes are likely to be gay themselves and thus lash out against homosexuality in a pitiful display of self-hatred. Statistics aside, however, the approach to gay men the world – let alone Kenya – display toxic sides of hyper-masculinity.

What does it mean to be a man anyway? I wouldn’t know because I’m not one. Kenyan men are supposed to be your archetypical male: strong provider and penetrator of vaginas only. Truth to be told, this image is a façade that hides so much insecurity and self-doubt. Straight men know how to brag about sexual conquests but put him to the test and he can’t even find a stimulating area. They orient themselves with their penis and it’s kinda sad. They try to make up for their deficiency with bravado and braggadocio but they’ve probably never managed to locate a clitoris (do they even know what that is?) or give a woman an orgasm

So what about women then? Women are gentle, beautiful and meant to exist for the sole pleasure of men so of course two lesbians will turn a man on! This is foul and disgusting, and men will still believe their pitiful penises can turn a woman ‘straight’. There’s no such thing as an off switch and to minimize Lesbians to a fetish says more about the straight men and their ill fantasies than the supposed ‘sinful ways’ of gay people. And don’t get it twisted, straight women are just as bad and probably bitter because they have to put with straight men.

Needless to say, straight people aren’t special. Arguing that LGBT rights are condemned and illegal in Kenya has nothing to do with morality, but is a perverse interpretation of human rights in general. I do choose, however, for my own safety, to stay in the closet like millions of other women and men like me. Straight people can be who they are and not be killed for it – I do not want to be fetishized for it or witness a gay man be harmed.

So, ask yourself, what does the romantic business of other people concern you? Inukuashia nini? If you think it’s so disgusting, stop imagining it. 

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