Timeless love: Gestures enduring modern times

Timeless acts of love hold a special place in Sharon Odenge’s heart. Sentimental at her core, she relishes quiet moments watching the sun set over the lake with her significant other. Besides, the two sit at the bar counter or take long drives, losing themselves in conversation. On ordinary days, they exchange love letters and leave notes in random spots for each other to find, or sometimes stay home to cook together.

Romantic love has been expressed in various forms across centuries. There are the Western classic acts of chivalry captured by romanticists, such as scroll love letters, and the traditional African gestures of affection that were part of cultural norms, like gifting beaded ornaments.

Sharon divulges that while people view different expressions of love as meaningful, being with a partner who speaks the same language or is willing to learn it makes it worthwhile. “I like it when a partner is interested in making you happy. I think people would love to have these kinds of experiences, but not many provide them due to finances or interests,” she expresses.

These tender gestures entail emotional transparency and passion, which can come with the fear of disappointment and doubt. “I am not scared of loving someone for fear of getting hurt. I don’t fear what might or might not happen. People should love fearlessly and deeply,” she says.

Sharon is of the opinion that men were not as affectionate in village settings in the past as they are now.

Visual artist Anthony Mwangi is convinced that love in the olden days was more genuine than its modern expressions, which he calls “the White man’s romance.” The African way, he says, romance was communal rather than a matter between two individuals. “People loved others for who they were. They had a plan and were not in a hurry for anything. Love was more natural then,” he opines.

Thespian Cosmas Bii explains that in Kalenjin culture, people would attend village dances. In these dances, when a lady impressed a man, he declared his romantic interest by tying a special grass around her ankle. This was followed by cultural gifts, which he now believes have been commercialized in modern times.

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Contrary to Sharon’s opinion, he says that people freely expressed love in the past, but it is now interpreted as ‘simping,’ meaning to be unwisely in love, thus discouraging men from it.

Journalist Okello David misses the simplicity and genuineness he finds in traditional gestures of love. He narrates how, in the past, traditions governed interactions between men and women; therefore, they couldn’t spend much time together. He further notes that the over-commercialization of romantic experiences has made men believe that the only way to show love is by affording it.

“We had courtship, which was more serious compared to today’s dating, which is informal. The level of genuineness has gone down because the rules have been relaxed. We have many people falling in love in the name of trial and error,” he says.

Poet Prisca Njeri, whose stage name is Scar Poetry, states that traditional or Western classical expressions of love will always have a place in society. The traditional sense leaned more towards acts of service, while the Western had grand gestures of romance. “I like a mix of the two. I write letters, write and recite poems, organize birthday parties, buy flowers, and send memes and TikTok videos. I don’t like cooking, but I do that for the person I love,” she says. That is not all. “I gift experiences tied to him or us that he can remember for the rest of his life. I buy simple things that mean something to him.”

Okello notes that these heartfelt gestures are meaningful as they make people feel special and valued. He feels that gestures of love from the past hold the same significance as they do in the present day. “When you talk about love, you talk about emotions. I believe that these same practices still hold water because we are satisfying the same emotions, quenching the same thirst,” he describes.

Cosmas also reiterates that even though times have definitely changed, the traditional gestures of love will stand the test of time. “The people who are experiencing it now have never experienced it before. These are human gestures that will always be relevant and will have the same impact as they did in the past,” he says.